Group dynamics are strange and unpredictable, to say the least. Yet, have you ever noticed no matter where you are, the same people always hang around? (The trouble maker, the idiot, and the token wingman, just to name a few.)
In any group of friends, you have the dependable one, the flake, the outdoorsman, and the most important person of the whole group, El Capitan (if you will), who's the glue holding it all together. The question is, what happens when your group loses its glue?
Recently, my group lost our glue because the one holding it all together seemingly dropped off the grid. Due to no fault of his own, without him, our group all but died, and it’s funny a Wade Bowen song pretty sums up exactly how it felt as it happened.
"It don't happen 'til it does. It don't hit you 'til it lays you flat. You don't hear the lone train, 'til you're tied up on the track. You don't want the way it is, 'til you're wishin' for the way it was."
I knew the day would come, and the group would have to break up eventually, but it seemed so far off I never really paid attention because the group was always there for me (until it wasn’t).
Have you ever met someone you instantly clicked with? Someone you know you’ll immediately be friends with? That was our glue. They were looking for a guy, and I was that guy. What really sold me was the promise of food at practice, and buying the food became a ritual and a rite of passage for anyone new joining. It could be 108 degrees or 0 degrees, rain, snow, or sunshine, and we played. The best bonds of friendship are always forged around commonalities.
Everyone knew our glue, and he knew everybody. He was the captain of our little ship as we went from local port to local port (or bar to bar... whatever you prefer). He opened his house and home, and he was always quick to throw you a beer (the good kind, too) along with a plate of food.
However, being the glue isn’t something that just gets handed to you. You earned the right to be the glue of the group by action. Our glue was a mover and a shaker to the core, so he always coordinated our group activities. Jam sessions, nights at the brewhouse, sitting at his amazing patio bar with a fire pit and a game on his flat screen... You name it, and he was also the one who always had your back if something got out of hand.
Newcomers to the group were always welcome, and we would always make sure they had a seat at the table. Our group spent many nights together talking about things too real to be discussed under the influence (which is generally the best kind of talk when you are under the influence).
Yet, over time, things became more real. I started to think, “Something isn’t right... This is the last time we might go to The Deli together.” Things that were a routine staple seemed to become a burden. We expected to always have some kind of balance, but life is messy, and sometimes, things get sideways.
This really goes for anyone, but it is especially hard when it’s your group’s glue. It’s no longer the rule, but rather the happy exception, you and your closest friends stick together, and if it’s any reflection on his character, our last time at The Deli, the bar was at capacity with people out the door (and of course, the bar went through several red cups).
When you lose your group’s glue, you can't do much. It feels like you're on the way to the bucking shoot, and you just drew something that can't be ridden. This person is irreplaceable, and really, all you can do is keep moving, and hope someone else steps up to the plate.
Currently, none of my group plays anymore, but on occasion, we get together to practice. We’ll be friends for life, and we already have a plan in the works to meet at The Deli again. All good things come to an end, even when it comes to your group.
"Sometimes, I feel low. Sometimes, I feel down, but them angels and devils make sure that I’m always around"…
