Relationship limbo. It's that area between being boyfriend and girlfriend, and just casually seeing each other. Some may call it "talking." Some could call it "dating." I call it hell.
My rendezvous with my pal relationship limbo started back in my freshman year of college, in the peak of "hookup culture." I was young. I was naive. I was excited. I was also in a relationship with a boy who was still in high school. I quickly found that being in a relationship with someone who won't understand your experiences with COLLEGE AND is totally against the organization you have joined is really taxing, so we broke up and I was "on the market."
Being a new member of my sorority, I got to see a lot of different fraternity men do their fraternity thing. It was a treat, considering the men who I usually hung out with carried their violins with them everywhere. So, naturally, I got some attention. It was strange, but I sort of liked it. Not to say that I was easy or I slept around by any means, but I liked hanging out with these people and experiencing a group of people I never imagined myself with.
I met one man in particular who totally stole my heart. We met at a party one night and the next day he was at my dorm, taking me on a date. I guess you could say we were inseparable from then on. I mean, he was tall, blonde, and a bit mysterious. How could I resist? However, there was no label. I mean, everyone knew we were together. We knew we were together. But was it appropriate to date other people? Was I allowed to kiss other boys? Was I right in getting mad if he kissed other girls? Should he meet my parents? We were in this "limbo" for about a month or two before he decided to ask me to be his girlfriend by bringing me a brownie cake that had "Will you be my girl?" written on it in caramel syrup (all of which my roommate ate, and yes I'm still salty about it).
As all good things come to an end, we broke up a little while later. We were on again, off again up until recently. All throughout being off again, though, we were... together. We were still seeing each other without a label or any annoying strings to tie us down, but we were never seeing other people. Our friends constantly asked, "What is going on with y'all?" or "What are y'all?" and my absolute favorite was, "Oh no, not again." It was a really strange and actually pretty annoying time in my life to be totally in love with someone one day and despise them the next. If you happen to find yourself in this situation, here are a few tips that I have acquired throughout this whole PROCESS.
Be clear with your partner as to what your intentions are. The dreaded "WHAT ARE WE?!" question is, sometimes, the best way to get information as to where you stand in this limbo. Ask YOUR partner what exactly they want out of whatever you guys are doing. If you want something totally different than your partner, maybe a compromise is in ORDER, or maybe it just won't work out. It really stinks to want to be in a relationship with someone when all they really want is a fun time.
Don't obsess over having a label. Although some people really do need that closure, a label might not be the answer. If you communicate with your partner and you both know exactly what you want and what you are, what's the point of going "Facebook Official?"
Protect your heart. This is probably the most important thing I could put into this. PROTECT yourself. Don't be strung along by someone who doesn't know what they want. If you don't PROTECT your feelings and stand up for yourself, you will spend many nights crying over someone who might never cry over you, too.
THANKFULLY I have grown from my experience with my blonde-haired beauty, and we are actually really close now (in case you were wondering). Just remember that communication is the most important thing here. Without it, you might be stuck in this weird limbo forever. Stay safe.
