"...My pride would have been gratified by using such schoolboy slang as I possessed, not at all by using the bookish language which (inevitably in my circumstances) came naturally to my tongue" (C.S. Lewis' Surprised by Joy, page 48). Though Lewis wasn't an only child, he and his brother led extremely solitary lives. They had little to no contact with children their ages. As a result, he felt very much on the outside of things when it came to interacting with the kids around him. As an only child, I can definitely relate to some of what he felt. This is definitely a realization that took place much later than my childhood, really just a recent feeling I've been able to put my finger on. It seemed at the time that some of my trouble relating to my peers just meant something was wrong with me. Looking back, though, I can see that there was another factor at play.

Growing up in a house just with your parents, the conversations tended to be more mature. It wasn't the typical playground talk of homework and Hannah Montana. It wasn't all politics and other fancy talk, though, either. I was almost always able to keep up in the dinnertime conversations. I listened to the words being said, asked curious questions. I was around the "grown-up" talk so regularly, it became natural for me to think and talk in this way, too. I was excited to be able to contribute new things to the conversation as well: facts I learned in history class, funny comebacks I had come up with. I observed closely how my parents talked to each other at home, how they talked to neighbors, how they talked to people on the phone and how they talked to friends at church. Unconsciously, and as most kids do I'm sure regardless of the existence of siblings or not, I tried to imitate the mannerisms and vocabulary they used. I learned how to interject funny, sarcastic comments into a conversation like my dad did. I learned how to nod my head and be an active listener like my mom did.

Without a sibling to be a sort of language buffer, to teach me how to talk to kids closer to my age, my speech and the ways I thought were direct reflections of my parents. This wasn't really an issue, (I would never have heard any swear words or inappropriate comments from either of them) but, I lost the chance to pick up on how most other kids were "supposed" to talk, leaving me at a bit of a disadvantage. I would hear how other kids talked to each other and I felt frustrated that some of the words they used and the way they talked didn't come naturally to me, as Lewis so poignantly expressed. Not at all saying that I was some genius that couldn't relate to "little kid" stuff. I certainly was still an average kid. It was just that the language and the way it was modeled to me didn't quite line up, obviously, with the language people 30 or so years younger than my parents used. Kids could be so brash at times, jumping in with comments and opinions (though not always bad comments!) and this threw me off a bit because I was definitely not used to that at home! Having older people to model a conversation, I rarely saw interruptions or rudeness. I think kids with siblings might be more exposed to that because they and their brothers or sisters are still trying to develop their language skills and manners. There isn't always a language "expert" or "veteran," you might say, in their midst while they're playing and talking. This is still beneficial and crucial time though, too - to be able to hone in on speaking skills with others your age. This just wasn't quite the case for me.

I was able to have conversations with adults - and sometimes, was even more comfortable doing that then trying to come up with things to say to my peers! I appreciated my teachers' humor and witty comments that went over other students' heads. I sat in class and would - and still continue to - nod along with the teacher to show them I was following what they were saying and mulling it over. Though there was awkwardness and the feeling of left out when it came to talking with my peers at times, I am so glad for the lessons I was able to learn having my parents as my two language models growing up. Their compassion and knowledge of the people and world around them is evident in the way they speak and think, and I hope to develop the same skills they have.