I’m not sure when it happened, but we’ve become a society that asks questions that we don’t want the answer to. In passing, we ask friends how they’re doing, or what’s going on, but too often stop listening right after they finish asking. As people reply with a reflex “good!” when someone asks “how are you?” this common encounter has been reduced to nothing more than a meaningless custom. Except for a few exceptional cases, most people that ask how my day was on a daily basis don’t expect an honest, real version—they expect me to say it was good because that’s what I’m supposed to say.
People tend to think that they’re the only ones going through a particular problem. Many of my friends have told me how surprised they were to find out that other girls in their hall are also homesick, or have found the transition to college particularly difficult. While some of my friends are calling home to talk about these challenges, they failed to realize that the girl right next door is a worthy confidant, partly because the “how are you?” conversations passing in the hallway or in the bathroom weren’t sufficient.
I’m not saying that everyone should divulge every detail of their life when someone asks how their day was. In all fairness, it’s probably not the best idea to go off on a rant or dissolve into a puddle of tears when the lady who’s checking you out at the dining hall asks how you are. However, there’s nothing wrong with some genuine interaction with the people in your life every now and then. Ask questions to which you want to know the answer, and don’t stop listening.
On a service trip I went on last summer, everyone left so impressed with all the people we met and helped. In addition to this, I was surprisingly very impressed with the people that I went on a trip with, who I’d known for years. People that I had previously just passed quickly were asking me how my day was, and actually cared about hearing the response. They wanted to hear a funny anecdote, or hear about the problems that we had on the construction site that day. Since then, I’ve realized how important of a question “how are you?” can be.
Maybe this habit of a quick “how are you” exchange is unbreakable, but I beg to differ. Sometimes the only thing that people need is someone who actually cares enough to listen for the extra 30 seconds while they say how their day was.
P.S. I hope your day is going well.
