My Lilly Pulitzer planner is great. Not only is she gorgeous, she also comes with a full sheet of stickers that can be used to mark off special dates. However, when I look at these stickers, I can’t help but feel that the designers must have very different expectations for my life than I do. Here is a brief look at the intended use, and the actual use, of a few of the different Lilly Pulitzer stickers. 

Me Day

Intended Use: You have brunch by the pool, and then spend the rest of the morning laying out and readingCosmo. Your selfie goes viral.

Actual Use: You consume an entire sleeve of peanut butter Oreos all by yourself on a Friday night. And that’s just within the first 15 minutes of Frozen. 

Lobster

Intended Use: A candlelit dinner for two.

Actual Use: A poor attempt at tanning. 

Mani Pedi

Intended Use: A spa day is not a spa day without coconut in your hair and cucumbers on your eyes.

Actual Use: You can’t decide whether you should shave or not, so you walk around the house and make everyone feel your legs. 

Prancing Elephant

Intended Use: You decide it is time to take the safari theme to the next level and find someone who will loan you an elephant for the night.

Actual Use: The walk home from Chipotle. 

Weekend Getaway

Intended Use: Two nights in Fratlinburg.

Actual Use: Two nights of "Arrested Development."

Dinner Party

Intended Use: Eating shrimp and wearing elbow length gloves. Your speech on the importance of common core education and the dwindling whale population in the Balkans leaves even the Senator’s wife in tears.

Actual Use: You have a Noodles coupon. 

Sporting Event

Intended Use: A charity golf tournament, of course. Or croquet match, maybe. All that really matters is you are wearing a cardigan and pearls.

Actual Use: Three hours worth of bleacher shouting. Yay, football. 

Luncheon

Intended Use: You drink tea and eat little sandwiches and nod your head because you are a very important person.

Actual Use: You thought taking your lunch into lecture with you would be a smart idea, but every time you go to take a bite it just happens to get really quiet. Your PB&J would probably be pretty quiet, but what if someone has a severe nut allergy? Your hands are already covered in Cheetos dust; do you really need blood on them, too? 

Woman Holding Balloons

Intended Use: A carnival themed Bid Day.

Actual Use: The waiter said they were display only, but your persuasive skills are on point tonight. 

Date Night

Intended Use: A date.

Actual Use: hahahahaha. 

Heart

Intended Use: Valentine’s Day.

Actual Use: I said stop torturing me, Lilly Pulitzer!

Holiday Party

Intended Use: It’s just like a normal party, except you wear red velvet.

Actual Use: It’s just like a normal party, except your Goodwill sweater gives you head lice.

Cake

Intended Use: Cake.

Actual Use: Cake.