Life is full of twists and turns. Through my years of middle school, high school, and now one year of college under my belt, I know fully how people come in and out of our lives just like that. We hope that when people do fade into the background, they slowly leave with no hurt feelings and no bitterness left in our mouths from words maybe we should have never said. But the reality is that sometimes you get hurt. And sometimes you will get an apology. But no one ever really tells you what to do when you don't get the apology you know that you deserve.
Our entire lives since our first day of preschool, we have learned to forgive and forget, and to apologize when you are in the wrong. But you know what they never taught us in school? They never taught us that in the real world, apologies are hard. Who likes saying that they were in the wrong? Well, I sure don't, but what I have learned is that my pride usually isn't as important as preserving a relationship that I truly care about. But what they also don't teach us from that young age is that you don't always get an apology...so then what do you do?
Unfortunately, I've been put in this position more than once, and let me tell you that it's no fun. It's confusing and frustrating. You wish the person you are seeking an apology from could just see things from your point of view, but you know that is never going to happen.
So do you forgive the person even if they are not sorry? Does that still count? Do you really owe them that?
Let me put it this way, you do not owe the other person anything. You owe it to yourself. It's absolutely exhausting carrying around the extra weight of a grudge. There are so many more things that your time and thoughts should go towards...things that are way more important to you in the long run. And while it may seem like that person does deserve your forgiveness, you only hurt yourself by holding on to that so tightly. So forgive them because it is the right thing to do. They might not care for your forgiveness, but I guarantee that letting go does in fact make you feel lighter.
My experience with this went on for years. It honestly wasn't until college that I realized there was no point hanging on to something that happened so long ago. We were both so young at the time, and the whole situation was just petty. From my perspective so many years later, it seems almost silly that I held onto it for so long. Yes, there was a lot of pain and a lot of tears came from my eyes, but I took a long look in the mirror I am and couldn't help but wonder if that experience molded me into who I am today. I am no longer wondering, because I believe that it did. I never got an apology for all of the pain I was put through. Not once I did get an "I'm sorry" for all of the times I was excluded. I never got the closure that I thought I needed so badly. But what I realize now is that finally forgiving and moving on was my closure. I am certainly a better, healthier, and truer version of myself now.
We can all do better at taking the higher road. Make your steps a little bit lighter, and just kill 'em with kindness.
