One of the biggest trends I've seen the past couple years is having a “Hot Girl Summer" as soon as the weather gets above 80 degrees daily. What comes along with this trend is honestly constant comparison. I don't think I should have to mention that comparison is the thief of joy because we all know it, but it's such a natural instinct to do it anyways. Looking at other girls in bikinis on social media, seeing other girls getting tan on the beach, all while looking at yourself in the mirror feeling like you don't meet those same standards. WRONG! Loving yourself in your own skin is my true definition of having a “Hot Girl Summer."

It is not only beautiful but powerful to be a woman who loves herself just as God made you. I've found myself guilty each year of busting my butt on a diet each spring. As soon as holiday eating is over it's always my “New Years' Resolution" to lose weight by summertime. Each year that I unpack my summer clothes it seems like my warm weather wardrobe is 4-6 sizes smaller than during the winter. Welllll, this year was different. I unpacked my summer clothes and literally CRIED crocodile tears with each piece that I tried on that didn't fit anymore. This year, I guess I could use quarantine as an excuse, but this year I felt like it WAS NOT a Hot Girl Summer. I looked back at pictures of last year on the beach and couldn't imagine even putting a bathing suit on this year. After a LOT of tears, a lot of negative journal entry's, and a few self-help books I changed my perspective.

All my memories from last year at this time I was the smallest I've ever been. Fast forward a year and I donated all my clothes (literally my entire wardrobe) and confidently shopped for clothes in the “Curvy" section. I tuned in to live Facebook sales whenever is was “Plus Size" sales. I replaced my entire wardrobe of mediums to XL and I'm no longer embarrassed to share that. I'm no longer mortified to even try to dress up and go out with friends because I don't want people from home seeing me and talking about my obvious weight gain. After scrolling back through pictures and videos taken in 2020 I couldn't help but notice the same things in every video, LAUGHTER. Like loud, obnoxious, belly-laughing. I saw a smile on my face in videos that made my soul shine. Videos that made me feel like I was finally so proud of my growth as a person. Videos that literally made me cry happy tears because the person in those videos is ME. The person laughing at a level 10, dancing (which we all know I CAN NOT do), ands genuinely being in touch with myself. I fell in LOVE with my own happiness. My laughter felt contagious and being exactly who I want to be surrounded by a village who shows me so much love and support was breathtaking.

Now I'm far from a nutritionist so I'm not saying it's okay to not take care of your body and your health. But my mental health came first this year. Embracing change became my goal for 2020. Letting go of past hurt and past hate became my mission everyday. So today, as I sit here writing this, thinking of how the scale made me literally have a nervous breakdown at the beginning of the summer, I am so thankful for self-reflection. I am so thankful for all the people who make my world go around. I am so thankful for my health. I am SO thankful that my “Hot Girl Summer" isn't defined by the scale or how last year's shorts don't button. I will yell from the rooftop that I am confident and so proud of how far I've come. 2020 is still MY year. Now whether or not I hope on a new weight loss trend within the year is still possible, but regardless of the scale, I WILL love my body. I will continue to better myself daily. I will continue to put my mental health first. I will continue to grow. But most importantly, I will thank God for making me-ME.