To think that a milestone that seemed once to be so distant, so elusive, has arrived at my feet. It has filled me with mixed emotions. One of reminiscence, the recollection of what has been, and the other of daunting anticipation of the unknown, the future, the what will be, and lastly, the fear of what could possibly never be. When people have asked me what my greatest fear is (while I have many things that I am scared of), what truly, truly frightens me most is the possibility of never achieving my dream.

And once upon a time in my immature, fairytale-like mind, I was convinced that everybody grew up and eventually achieved their dreams. That was what being an adult was about. That was what they were doing - living their dreams. To me, their bustling and hustling was the result of working towards what they've always wanted to achieve. But what I've come to realize as I got older is that everything was fairly black and white when we were young. We wanted things and we hated things. We needed encouragement to be pushed forward to do things we didn't want to do, things we didn't tolerate. We acted like angels if we wanted something, and we acted like devils, if we couldn't get our way or when we hated the present situation. But with each year we gained, the two sides began mixing until our very beings were gray. No longer was there just one side to every action, to every feeling, to every decision. Many factors now became obstacles to what it was that our hearts truly longed for. Many consequences present with each decision, even despite careful consideration. Our minds weren't only about us anymore. No longer just about what we wanted. Everything was just so much more complicated and layered.

Regardless, the bottom line is that there is deadline to achieve your dream, and that is both hauntingly beautiful and fear-inducing, the ambivalence of the unknown. It strikes both comfort and terror in our hearts. Comfort in the fact that there is no set time, that as much as we imagine it, there is no countdown to your dreams. Terror, in the fact, that may be you would rely too much on the freedom of time that it would eventually run out without results to show.

I am at the turning point in my life where I have achieved many things that were within a set timeline that I had always known would come to pass. Attend school, earn degrees, find a job. But then what? Now the plan is all up to me. And the task is both exciting and nerve-wrecking. Without realizing it though, I too have found myself getting caught in the humdrum of the adult routine that I had seen my entire life, what I had once childishly revered as "living the dream". But now at the center of it, I realize that to many, it is the settlement, the excuse, the veil they use to cover up their fear of taking the risk to continue forward into the uncertain.

As adults, the gray that consumes us consists of what if's, risks, and consequences, the many twists and turns that could lead to dead ends and to hanging cliffs. And that's what we tend to focus on. We lose sight that these very pathways can also lead us into the evergreen, to the sight we've longed to see, we've desired to live in. And I am faced with the same decision. Do I move forward? Or do I stay? While my heart remains ambitious, I have realized I have put off making a decision, sweeping it under the rug, weaved with excuses like "I'll get to it tomorrow", "I'll get to it when I'm less busy...", "when I'm less tired" until days turn to months, and months turn into years.

Although I say that this year is the turning point of my life, every year has the potential to be so for each and every one of us. Age is simply but a number to measure time and how much we lived, not a constraint to our capabilities, not a blockage in our paths. But I do hope that this year will be the year I seize the moment, that I will take courage and set out to do what it takes to achieve my dreams regardless of the risks, and despite my fears. I hope to live the very vision of the life I have imagined since childhood, starting this year. I hope to continually realize that the concept of the "future" can become the concept of "now" depending on when I decide to reach out and grab the opportunity, that I have that power in my being right now. Although I am still living in the shell of the child I once used to be, I have already transformed within the mold, hesitant to break out. But I pray that I won't wait for regret or the sands of time to thin out to spread the wings that I have cultivated all these years and will hopefully continue to do so.

25. It amazes me that I have lived a quarter of a century. While the days may have passed slowly, the years flew by quickly. 24 was good to me. It was a time of unprecedented yet ever expected change as I finally stepped out of the confines of schooling and into the real world that holds all possibilities and avenues to venture in. I have traveled and broadened my perspectives, have seen sights finally past my front door, have taken in a fraction of the beauty of this world. I have experienced true friendship, in which time and emotions are invested boldly and fearlessly, where trust is a constant yet an unconscious decision, and not something that is supposed to be expected and taken for granted. I have defined and strengthened my passions and gratefulness. I have experienced the ups and downs of the workforce. I have, if only to a miniscule degree, solidified part of my identity as a result of my experiences and reaffirmed my beliefs and values, and I have dared to dream even more fiercely, more clearly than ever before.

I hope this year will bring more fruitful changes, and will allow me to healthily move forward towards the life I desire to live, with the people I love by my side. I hope to live this year fiercely and boldly, with passion.

2018, my 25th year, I can't wait to see what colors you'll have in store for me to brighten and decorate the mixture of gray I have become.