How To Live Without Knowing What You Are Living For

Days turn to weeks, and the weeks turn into the ink on my pages as I search for a meaning behind this death, the viral infections and numbers growing, forming the clouds that shadow my mind in a way that makes it feel whole, until they disperse and I am left with nothing. Nothing is timeless, and it is spent with me searching, needing for comfort a reason behind all of this. Perhaps it is all a punishment, a stagnation of humanity's sadistic footprint on Earth, where Mother Nature defends and fights for her babe.

When I find myself sitting for too long, the clouds in my mind float back, saying hello as they chill my thin, pale skin, only this time they don't leave for they keep me company in my loneliness in the only way they know how, and I can't fault them for that, I just wish, long for them to disappear, turning a hello into a sincere goodbye. Giving those fighting for their lives a chance to survive, ridding us of disease, shedding away into a blissful breath felt by all, and welcomed.

I crave, desire the warmth of the Earth, so I step into her unknown, the instability that floods our current existence of our new normal, internal hells. I let my toes grasp the patches of coarse, luscious green grass and I welcome their warm, rough pricks to tickle me in delight, as I lift my face up to the sun, letting its golden rays shine on me and fill me with a slight sliver of heaven.

Neighbors greet each other from their homes, smiling and waving to strangers, breaking apart the clouds in our bodies and as they clear, showing the daisies that were formed from the rain. In these moments, no one urges to go on their devices, read the latest news, mindlessly scroll, for this is community. This is what humanity can be, what we can all be after this, as we sit here, breathing and filling ourselves with something more powerful than a disease.

I do not know what tomorrow will look like, but today I am living for the sun, and the sky.