Every generation is remembered for something. Our grandparents were “the greatest generation” because they beat the Nazis and stormed the beaches at Normandy. Our parents are “the baby boomers” because they did a lot of banging. Now, we’re known as “millennials” because we were at least semi-conscious at the turn of the millennium. I hate the word “millennial.” The generation should instead be called “pussies.” I know there have been countless think pieces written on why millennials are lazy and entitled. But I’m going to take it a step further. They are absolutely f*cking worthless.
The first reason millennials are worthless is because they have zero personality and zero common sense. They think their sh*t doesn’t stink. They think they’re on the Mount Everest of moral high grounds. Have you ever tried having a real, fruitful conversation with one? It’s like they try to make a caricature of themselves. I’m currently in the process of finding an apartment with some friends and a few days ago I had a conversation with a girl who fit the millennial bill. I recounted to her the story of how, outside a loosie spot, a random woman offered to rent me a room in the projects for $200 a month. The girl asked me why I didn’t take it because $200 a month is an unbelievable price.
When I told her I didn’t particularly care to live in the projects, she smiled, took a puff of her cigarette and said with full seriousness and confidence, “Sounds like you don’t like people of color.” I thought it was some kind of sick joke, but nope, she was serious. She continued by saying, “Plus, don’t call it the projects, it’s a reaffirmation of your privilege. Low-income housing.”
At that point, all I could do is laugh. Clearly, for people like her (read: a lot of millennials) logic and reasoning go out the window as long as you can prove that you’re woke as hell. They want to prove to the world that they aren’t racist. They do that by coming up with ridiculous interpretations of right and wrong, racist and accepting. That chick called me racist because I didn’t want to live in one of the developments known for prostitution and the works. That’s insane. She so desperately wanted to be woke that she showed how utterly un-woke she was.
This idea of “woke” brings me to my next point: millennials think they’re unique and exhibit individuality when all they really do is reinforce the notion that they’re all clones with their thumbs up their asses. "Pulp Fiction" is one of my favorite movies ever. Mia Wallace is one of my favorite characters ever (I would kill a man to marry her). But it INFURIATES me seeing these foolish girls walking down the streets (which they gentrified) with the same Mia-esque haircut, holding the hand of a guy who looks like Andy Warhol with AIDS and a man-bun. They do it because they’re “artists” who are “woke” and they want a way to show it. But they’re defeating their own purpose. Everyone and their mother has those goddamn haircuts, those goddamn black shirts and those goddamn opinions that are nothing. Those opinions are studied and regurgitated without necessarily being understood which defeats the whole “individuality bubble” they’re living in.
But what infuriates me the most about millennials is that they don’t want to listen. They don’t want to shut up, even for a second. If they’re not telling you how woke they are, then clearly they must not be woke, right? Wrong. These buffoons have convinced themselves and others that “safe spaces” are necessary and vital. This shows how disillusioned they are about everything -- the only safe space is supposed to be your home. There are protests every day on countless college campuses calling for the end of many things: the end of grades below C-, no more conservative speakers on campus, and the end of midterms. How do you expect to learn if you aren't challenged? “It’s a trigger,” they say, but so is life. Colleges (clearly) can by manipulated into giving them “safe spaces” that will prevent them from the awful, horrendous triggers they might face. But the real world doesn’t have that. In the real world, it's put up or shut up. It worries me that most millennials can do neither.
