I've learned many great things over the past year at college: societal art dates back to as early as 25000BCE in the paleolithic era, studies developed through sociological interpretation can not only gain recognition but start public movements, and literacy is dependent on a multiplicity of communal factors that are variant throughout the world. These facts have allowed me to grow as a student, but as a person, college has taught me bountiful lessons that I will be able to cherish forever. I could create a list of these things that would start with patience and perseverance, but I am focusing on what I have realized the most over the course of nearly 300 days, that home is a relative term.
Before coming to college, I had plans of having the transition for the following summer to be easy; I would spend two semesters away and I would come home without blinking an eye. As excited as I am to go back to the place I once saw as my primary safe haven, I feel a pinch of sadness when thinking about leaving the new life I have created. I spent so much time producing a name for myself elsewhere: new friendships were discovered, a job was established, and even a new apartment that is now my own. This unique life created is one that is chosen and worked for; nothing was handed to me because of who my parents know or what public school I had to go to dependent on my district. Every step taken was in an effort to gain a reputation of hard work, dedication, and bravery.
From what used to be four walls and a welcome mat, home evolved into people rather than things. It's the people who you talk to when you're having a bad day, those who you go out to brunch with on a beautiful Sunday morning, the friends you tell secrets to at 2 o'clock in the morning and ask for advice on the subject that has been eating you alive for days. Home is not even necessarily in one location; it can be in several. For me, it's my parents house in New Jersey, the apartment I share with my friends in Florida, and my grandma's house that is accessible for weekend getaways... it has become the places and people I am most comfortable with.
It is awfully strange when I feel homesickness in a place that I do in fact call one of my homes.
It's particularly difficult when the people you love are scattered across a state, a country, or even a continent. You can be completely happy with where you are and who you are with at the moment and still have a longing to be elsewhere with other people. You come to a point where you're conflicted. On one hand, you love different places for completely separate reasons. With this being a constant feeling, you grow serene with the uneasiness and find comfort in difference. The fear of disappointing the people you love becomes relevant; their constant company was what once used to be normal and it's not necessarily that you do not want it anymore, but you feel indecisiveness as to where you really want to be. You do not love them any less, but you have grown a fondness elsewhere.
The only way to get past the conflict of indecisive homesickness is to accept that there will be a time and place when you will be able to enjoy what you are missing. Before the present slips past your fingertips, it's important to hold onto the moment and embrace what is right in front of you. It is OK to feel sad and it is certainly OK to feel happy; regardless of what your mind is saying, appreciate what is currently at hand. The future holds endless opportunities and will work itself out, so stop worrying so much. You are not hurting anyone by cherishing other people and places. The heart is meant to love and occupy everything you choose in this world; this earth has so much to offer and it would be a shame to deny yourself opportunities in fear of judgment and disappointment.
From what was initially not even a thought, home became a relative term and a dilemma. Instead of something so beautiful being seen as a dispute, it should be seen as an advantage. People dream of traveling and experiencing new adventures without thinking much about the consequences separate from monetary involvement. To be able to love more people and places is a blessing, even when your mind may be saying otherwise. From one person who understands this concept to another, embrace what life has to offer and just be grateful for the vastness of possibilities.
