If you don't know what a "Shoobie" is, chances are, you probably are one. I live about 7 minutes away from the beach. Yes, the beach, not the shore. That's literally a bridge ride away, that is all. I drive like a normal person, I go the speed limit, and I bring limited items to the beach- mainly just a towel and a chair. Shoobies --- they drive like dumb asses, go 20 in a 40, bring a cart, a wagon, their grandmother, 17 cousins and food to give the seagulls and are mostly likely coming from at least an hour drive away. You do not belong at my beach.
You say you're a local? Well, you aren't fooling me. Us locals can easily tell when you do not belong. It takes less than 5 minutes to figure out. A local would not wear jeans to the beach as a cover up or bring a inflatable pool for our kids to play in, don't you know there's a giant pool just at the edge of the sand? A local does not bring 5 car trips worth of items for a few hours at the beach. And, sitting up our asses when theres miles and miles and miles of beach, isn't helping your case. And let's not forget the attack of the seagulls. I don't know if Shoobies have some kind of bird fetish, but can we please ban feeding the birds? I like to enjoy my lunch of the beach, not have it stolen from a flying rat.
And, I'm sorry... if you have a beach house and come here every summer since you were five, you're still not a local. Did you go to school here? No, so you don't come to the beach for fun when the stars are bright or when you need to take a walk alone, that's not possible for you to do. You are a Shoobie.
Should I even begin to explain what you people are like during the holidays? Memorial day weekend, Fourth of July, Labor Day. Shoobies LIVE for these holidays. Locals dread them. You are making us late for work, you cause traffic, you take our parking spots at our everyday spots, you make our summers miserable. These holidays are vacation days for Shoobies, they are working days for locals.
Now, while you do have mostly shitty moments, we do thank you for the cute college kids you bring home for a nice summer fling. We locals do enjoy going to big beach houses and meeting cute people when we're tired of the kind of our own. But, other than that one little perk, no one wants you here.
We appreciate your kind efforts of trying to fit in with us locals, but let's face it, you didn't grow up here. You don't know the short cuts, you don't know the little restaurants that are better than the fancy places you found on Yelp, you just don't belong here. You don't have to go home, but you definitely cannot stay here.
I do have one question for you all though, how did you get your drivers license?
