“I was surprised, as always, by how easy the act of leaving was, and how good it felt. The world was suddenly rich with possibility.” - Jack Kerouac, On the Road
The night before I left for college, I sighed and stared at my life, efficiently packed into two boxes and two suitcases, sitting right before me. I dreaded the moment when my parents would inevitably leave me in my freshly decorated dorm, and I would think, “Now what?” Leaving everything behind and moving across the country scared me, and I expected to become accustomed to the feeling of homesickness.
Fast forward to this past Sunday night, when I sat up against a tree chatting with my friend from back home on the phone for over two hours. We updated each other on everything we could think of. I described my weekly schedule, the new people I had met, and the small things that had made me think of her throughout my days. Her stories reminded me that just a few weeks ago, I was right there with her. How crazy, I thought, to feel so separate and distant from the reality that was so familiar to me such a short amount of time ago. Now that I’m here and starting to really settle in at Tufts, I’m realizing that life isn’t so different after all. Everyone likes to think of college as a “fresh start,” but I don’t really believe in the concept.
I still have the same hopeless sense of direction, find a thrill in creating ridiculously named Spotify playlists, feel fairly lonely once 1AM hits, drink too much coffee, look up at the stars on clear nights, and smile and tear up in response to the same sorts of moments. I wake up, make my bed, brush my teeth, and start again the day after. I can tell my old friends about my observations and interactions, see what they choose to do and become, and we can still grow together- separately, but together. The sun rises and sets out here on the East Coast too, and I am learning to feel comfortable wherever I am and whoever I am with. The experiences I’ve had these past few weeks have assured me that at some point in the future, I will end up missing these very moments too. There are always going to be things and people to miss, but there will also always be a world right in front of you.
“Home” doesn’t have to be restricted to a certain place with a certain set of circumstances. I can find home in that feeling of freedom that comes along with all the uncertainty surrounding these next four years. I can find it in the late night conversations I have with my roommate, on the days where I spend hours out on the President’s lawn “doing homework,” or in the Sunday night dinners I have with my wilder-family. I can find homes in the wonderful people I meet here, who all seem to have hearts the sizes of mountains, and seek for the rest of my comfort in memories. Home can be wherever you lay your head.
