There is no feeling that compares to running downstairs on Christmas morning with your siblings following close behind. There’s that feeling of excitement you get when you tear the paper off of the new phone you’ve been dying for or the new video game your friends haven’t stopped talking about. That feeling of warmth you get when you watch your best friend open a present it took you weeks to pick out. That feeling of love you get when you glance across the table as your grandma passes the mash potatoes, which she made especially for you. The worst of all, however, is the feeling of emptiness that hits you when your eyes are wandering around the table and they land upon that empty seat. The seat that once was filled and has now left a gaping hole in your heart.
The holidays can be especially excruciating for those who have lost one dear to their heart. However, it just doesn’t seem fair. How come other people get to spend the most wonderful time of the year with their grandparents? Or their aunts? Or their parents? Yet some cannot.
Rapidly approaching is the second Christmas without my grandmother, which will be two Christmases too many for me. We lost her suddenly and painfully last October. Maybe it’s selfish or maybe it’s immature, however, I cannot help but get overwhelmingly angry at this time of the year. I see people buying pastel sweaters or cat figurines and all I can think of is my grandmother. It pains me to know that this Christmas I won’t get to hear her laugh from across the kitchen or pose for a picture while she tries to get her disposable camera to work. It isn’t fair, it isn’t right, it isn’t okay.
No one should have to sit through their favorite holiday without their grandmother, or any loved one for that matter. After sitting on it for a while, it has finally hit me-- it’s okay to be angry. I have lost someone dear to my heart, who wouldn’t be angry at the most wonderful time of the year? It is okay to be heartbroken and have trouble coping with it. It’s okay.
I have noticed recently how whenever someone who has passed away is mentioned at the holidays, everyone becomes quiet and timid. It is as if you just mentioned Lord Voldemort. I do not understand why it is this way. Everyone is heartbroken and upset about how your grandmother, your aunt, your father, or whomever, will not be around. That gaping hole is in each and every one of your family member’s hearts.
So this holiday, I encourage everyone to stop being bitter, stop being angry, and start enjoying the holidays. Talk about those whom cannot be with you today.
Tell hilarious stories and watch everyone eyes light up around you. It is okay to be angry that your person cannot be here with you, but don’t let that distract you from the very people sitting around the table with you. You need to live in the moment. You need to take advantage of every opportunity you get with those you love. Live in the now, make memories and discuss old ones.
Make sure you make the most of this holiday season.
