I was under the impression that I was fully prepared for Catholic college after being in Catholic high school and grade school.
However, there was a huge difference. Suddenly being Catholic was my own decision. In grade school I was being told to go to Mass twice a week, when to pray, and overall how to think when it came to my faith.
When I got to high school, my faith began to grow. I was able to to form my own opinions and make more of my own choices, while still doing what my school and parents were telling me.
I did not realize it at the time, but college was my opportunity to decide my religion. I no longer had parents or teachers telling me when to pray and when to attend church. For the first time, it was my own choice. Unfortunately, looking back I feel as though I chose wrong. I did not use this opportunity to make my faith a priority for most of my freshman year. I chose to put off homework until Sunday evening. I chose to get wrapped up in something else and then realize I missed Mass.
I was baptized into the Catholic church when I was just a number of days old. It never, in my almost 20 years of being Catholic, crossed my mind that I could be something else. My first semester of college I felt as though I was losing my faith. In addition to missing Mass, I was forgetting to pray, and I felt like I was the only college student that struggled with this.
It was not until after Christmas break that I realized I would feel better if I turned back to God instead of just feeling stressed and annoyed. Mass was an opportunity to not stress about school, and get to calm down for an hour.
To me, turning to God no longer meant feeling alone. When I was stressed and calling my mom crying, she always reminded me to offer up my problems to God. There were several nights when I was lying awake wishing that I was home and all I could do was pray. I would ask God for help and strength, until the end of my first year of college.
On Ash Wednesday, I sat in Mass asking God for help. I knew that I was not attending Mass enough, or praying enough, or being Catholic enough. I decided that for Lent I would try to control my thoughts more, especially when it came to judgmental thoughts, and try to attend Mass multiple times a week. I failed both of these things during the first two weeks.
Keeping up with my faith was more challenging for me once I got to college. No longer feeling the pressure of others telling me when to pray and when to go to Mass caused my religion to come to a screeching halt. Thankfully, I know that God is good and forgiving. Being Catholic does not have to be a difficult struggle for me because I know that no matter how far I may stray, I can always go back to the path God wants me to be on.
