What we believe is right for us—and what truly is—are two vastly different things. Most of the time, I myself have taken shots in the dark at what will fill me up and bring me the joy I'm looking for. I search and search, without a clue.
God will hear you out on everything you desire. He'll hear you dream and pray about the person you wish you were dating. He knows about the friend group you think will bring you fulfillment. He's aware of the lifestyle you're chasing. But if it's not in His plan, the struggle that comes along with getting these things is imminent. Roadblocks, closed doors, jumping huge hurdles, all the warning signs that maybe you're steering off the path of His purpose for you.
Now, I'm not trying to say that the things of significant meaning in our lives won't have their struggles, but I feel the struggle for the things meant for me is always different than that of what I'm forcing for myself. When I'm pushing my path in a direction far off from where I'm meant to be, it always seems like I'm up against a wall.
I feel frustrated, anxious, and dependent on the comparisons I make to everyone around me to check how I'm doing, rather than paying mind to what my purpose calls me to do. If it's seeking the approval and closeness with people who don't bring out the best and most righteous parts of myself, I'll find myself surrendering my character for a moment of inclusion.
If it's pushing for a relationship with someone despite warning signs and apparent anomalies, walls seem to come up, and conflict is constant. If it's placing myself where I think I should be, I struggle to support myself and find a lack of deeper meaning to my experiences.
It's not so much a struggle, as a puzzle piece just not fitting right. When I'm struggling in my purpose, I'm struggling with God; I'm learning. I'm growing to be courageous, patient, forgiving, and honest. It's like I see the mountain I have to climb, I know how hard this trek will be at times, but I know in my heart I'll have the strength to get where I'm headed.
This is where I feel God's presence. It's in the roots of faith that come along choosing the path I'm being led on, and being honestly open to every moment presented to me to grow me in love. Dedicating time to hearing the word, being vulnerable around those who pull me closer to it, and putting my faith in the uncomfortable situation always help me to re-center on the more significant piece of work going on in the midst of my small mountain.
