We’re fresh off prom season and in the midst of graduation season, and what that means is that there are a lot of fledgling as well as longer-term couples who have to answer the question of whether or not to stay together in college. All couples have to make this decision and consider the repercussions, but even more so if they’re going miles and miles away from each other. That’s the group I’d like my words to reach.
A year ago I graduated and had made the decision to undertake a long-distance relationship between UMD and Colgate. Ultimately this has been successful, since now I’m celebrating my 3-year anniversary. Was it worth it? A resounding yes. Was it easy? A resounding no. If you’re considering a long-distance relationship and are caught somewhere in the middle of curiosity and fear, then this piece might shed some light.
For some of you it’ll be obvious to break up and it’ll be mutual. You each want to experience new relationships and you know that you don’t envision a future together. This might seem sad, but choosing to break up does not at all detract from the great memories made in high school. In high school, having a boyfriend or girlfriend is an automatic person to hang out with and attend school functions with, but when you no longer can rely on that person out of convenience, and there isn’t much left over, it might be time to let go.
For others of you the decision will be less clear, and you can choose one of two options. You can attempt continuing the relationship so as to eliminate the “what ifs” that would arise if you didn’t and be open to the idea of either breaking up or sticking it out. Or, you can preemptively break up to end on good terms and save future heartbreak.
For the last group, you know that you want to stay together, but you are well aware that you’re defying the odds. You wonder if there’s something you don’t expect and if you’ll become another statistic included in couples that break up by Christmas. Or maybe you’re totally confident that it’ll work out but you aren’t sure how it’ll feel.
All I know is that a long-distance relationship is hard. Really hard. Yet, it’s worth it if it’d be harder for you to know that you lost or gave up someone you love. In other words, "distance means so little when someone means so much". This rings true in making the decision to stay together, but once you're apart, distance begins to mean everything. Technology is great, enabling couples to call, text, Skype, FaceTime, and more, but it’s also a constant reminder that your best friend isn’t there in person. You’ll want to be with them all the time, but you’ll quickly realize you can’t. You’ll question everything and nothing at the same time, and some nights will be much harder than others. You’ll celebrate long-anticipated reunions over holiday breaks and despair over each inevitable goodbye, but all the while you’ll know that they’re there for support and that they’re going through the same thing.
I made it through freshman year and I’m still in my high school relationship. Yet, getting to this point proved to be the greatest challenge of my freshman year. It was like being on a treadmill, enclosed in a box, that you couldn’t slow down. Even if I got tired of it and everything hurt, I had no choice but to keep on running. People say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it seems more accurate to say that absence forces the heart to be stronger. And now, since it’s summer, I’m going to enjoy every minute I can with the guy I missed the most, because I know next year will be just as bad.
I never said I was going to be outright convincing, because a long-distance relationship certainly isn’t worthwhile for everyone. Nevertheless, some of you may have found this to be convincing in a backwards sort of way, which is more than fine, because maintaining a long-distance relationship is possible, and if you’re both committed, it’s incredibly rewarding.
