Friends are one in a million but sometimes that can change
I didn't have many friends in high school. I stuck to a small group of people that I ate lunch with every day and occasionally hung out with after school. Well that was the beginning of high school. Halfway through I went through a change where I realized a few of these people were temporary and that I really wanted some forever friends. I knew that I didn't belong in any clique. There were high school cliques, typical Mean Girls and honestly jerks. I didn't have the body or the face or even personality to hang out with them. It is so weird that I thought that those were the only qualities to have those kind of friends.
My friend group was maybe four to five people. I had acquaintances and some friends that I only saw in classes. We all sat together for lunch every day, well before we went to SMART Lunch of course. I hung out with these friends every weekend after sophomore year. I met a great friend of mine the beginning of sophomore year who happens to have the same name as me! From the start, we realized we had a lot in common. I knew a friend since middle school and we really didn't start hanging out till high school when we realized that we knew each other more than any other person starting the scary first day of high school. I have two friends who I knew from church that I had known for forever, one since early elementary and one since the beginning. We all knew each other, but we all had separate lives. I had chorus, band and drama friends starting senior year. That's when I really branched out and became the person I wanted to be. But I am getting a little ahead of myself.
When we were starting to drive, I would see my friends all the time. I remember all the sleepovers at each others houses. We participated in talent shows and that's something I won't forget. From self hair dying to staying up late chatting strangers, there was always something to keep us from being bored. All the memories from beat up stick cars to jamming on the way to school every morning, these are the things I took for granted. Some of my friends found boyfriends and that's when things changed a little bit. I was sad when not everyone could hang out all the time. We were growing up before our eyes and I didn't realize it till after I graduated.
Senior year was my year. I shined in every aspect except senioritis (oops). The more I became involved in activities, I knew my friends would support me in my ventures. It was new, really new for me to be so active in my school. I am used to being the background to things, never really stepping out of my shell. Well, eventually senior year became graduation and I have never felt more proud of myself. It was a blur of congratulations and hugs. I knew these people forever or so it seemed. I saw all of my friends graduate, I remember them as little fifth graders and some until recently, just a 16 year old and new to the school.
It was so hard seeing everyone move to college and different states. Things were changing and I went through a hard time starting college. That is really when I realized who was my friend and who wasn't. I had a few that comforted me after and a couple that didn't have any words to say to me. After recovering and being back on my feet, after distancing myself a little, I found a boyfriend of my own. I then realized that if I spent all my time with him, I would lose my friends. Who want's a friend who clings to her boyfriend all the time? Not me! A few friends of mine were like that. When we didn't see each other, they took that place of friendship. When one person can support all your needs in that area, you tend to feel like you are forgotten. I have been getting used to feeling like the forgotten friend. Sometimes I feel like I don't know these people that used to be my friends. They get lost in their relationships and forget what true friends do for them. They say you shouldn't pull your weight for someone who isn't doing the same for you. I guess that is what it feels like to pull apart from them.
When you lose a friend, it can be hard. I have had so many friends through my lifetime that I lost contact with. A falling out is hard for anyone. You stop talking to these people and soon enough you remember all these fun times you had with them and it makes you sad. Growing up, you realize that this isn't the worst thing that can happen to you, but it sure hurts. Friends have fights and sometimes you are the one watching and it can be so hard to be between them. You have to choose your battles and sometimes you gotta know when a battle is lost. In movies you see high school friends being forever friends and sometimes you never see them again. They aren't temporary till they choose to be temporary to you. It takes two, or three, or however many you have. Maybe those friendships can be saved, but if I know anything, sometimes it is best to let them go if they want to. They aren't true friends if they don't stay, they are just people who let a good thing go.
