I am what some people might refer to as a “closet case,” or at least I was up until recently. So when my current girlfriend gifted me a rainbow sticker on one of our earliest dates, I smiled politely, I thanked her, and I shoved it into the back of my glove box. It sat there for nearly three years.

I figured out I was a lesbian in what I would call a week of intense contemplation. I only recently have been able to recall the intense crushes I had all the way back in middle school. Through a combination of guilt, fear, and sheer determination, I had suppressed these thoughts deeply into my subconscious. My freshman year of college they came back, and with the pressure of high school behind me, there was little to distract me from them.

I sat in my college dorm room watching YouTube video after YouTube video, asking myself, “Am I a lesbian or not?” I watched people’s coming out stories, trying to align my feelings with what they described. Even though many people said, “There’s no need to rush.” I felt gross, I felt weird, and I hated feeling that way. I wanted answers. Luckily, these strangers on the internet offered me a whole lot of comfort. Hearing their stories and realizing how much I related to aspects of them helped me feel not alone. The best part was, I realize they were normal and they were happy; this gave me hope. Finally, I admitted to myself what I already knew: I was gay.

I told my friends almost immediately, and they accepted me without so much as a flinch. From that point on, I lived openly at school. That summer I met my girlfriend, and she met my friends. She handed me that rainbow sticker, but there were issues: no one in my family or anyone in my hometown knew I was gay. They didn’t, for nearly three years.

I don’t know exactly why I struggled with coming out to my family so much. I don’t know why I could tell my friends and live openly at school, but not at home. My family isn’t bigoted, and my hometown is liberal. I just couldn't get over the panic I felt whenever the thought of telling them came up. My girlfriend stuck around, and the sticker stayed in my glove box. Eventually, I told my family, and they accepted me. I changed my relationship status on Facebook, and I was done with it.

A few weeks ago, I reached into the back of my glove box and pulled out that slightly bent rainbow sticker. I smoothed it out, and carefully placed it right in the middle of the rear window on my car. It was one of the most satisfying moments of my life.

I do not say this to suggest that my coming out story was “the right way” or “the wrong way.” I wanted to tell this story just to say that you only need to come out when you’re ready. For me, my journey of self-acceptance and the courage to be myself, even if others didn’t like it, took years and that’s okay. I share this story to tell you, that you can take your time if you need to, or you can come out as soon as you know how you want to identify. You can label yourself or not, and you can change your mind about that label. Your life is yours. You should be aware of those around you, and how things affect them. You need to be comfortable with yourself first and foremost. Even more importantly, you need to keep yourself safe and make the call about when it’s okay to reveal your identity.

Wherever you are at in your journey, just know that you have a community that loves you. Take all the time you need.