It’s something to be pitied if you listen to society. “It’s so sad,” They’ll whisper behind her back, but never to her face. They’ll watch him on his phone from afar, but never approach out of an unknown fear. What if they caught their loneliness? Their desperation for acceptance? What if they looked into their eyes and saw the pain behind them, then suddenly they’ll be the ones to be pitied? It’s a fate worse than death in their eyes. After all, what kind of poor unfortunate soul would need to rely on a screen for friends? What made them so different, that they couldn’t feel okay unless they were in that chat room talking with someone from who knows where? There’s nothing more dangerous in their world than saying that your best friend lived halfway across the world and no, you never met them face to face.
Maybe this stigma came from "Catfish" or the horror stories on Investigation Discovery. Perhaps it was just always there, or it was built over time through urban legends and fabricated fables from parents. Regardless, in this day and age of Instagram, snap chat, and whisper it is hypocritically unacceptable to rely on the internet for friends, even while those the same ones who shame are accepting any friend request for one more like without even a second glance at them.
It would be my greatest dream to shatter this notion, as I am one of those “sad ones.” In my opinion, being able to connect with supposed strangers can be the best thing that can happen to someone who has been hiding behind a shell for so long. I’m the living proof of that by having my closest confidantes be removed from my day to day life has saved me, and I don’t mean in a figurative sense. I highly doubt that if it wasn’t for those who have had my back over the years I wouldn’t be who I am today. To this day, I view them as some of the most important people to have ever touched my life and none of them have learned my full name or seen my face.
Although there were quite a few people who were able to give me the keys to unlock my creativity, my dreams, and in time, my self-confidence; there were only three that have held the master keys in the past few years; Emily, Louise, and Shini. These women have all been a huge part of my life since meeting them, so much so I can’t imagine where I would be without them. Especially throughout this stressful year because even as I was in the midst of college applications, scholarships, APs, and petty drama that just spiraled way out of control; they were all there for me and had my back each and every step of the way. After all, I could never forget the time Emily had stayed awake for me when I was distraught over missing the Early Action deadline for my top choice school, and even though she was miles upon miles away, it felt like she had been sitting right there with me. Or the countless times I talked college worries and what drama this one girl in school was stirring up this week. They’re both at least a decade older than me and the topics were ones they had long forgotten about, but they both had given me advice and reminded me that it was going to be okay no matter what happened. This has meant to the world to me.
These little incidents may not seem like much, but for someone’s whose self-confidence was so shattered, just knowing that somewhere there were people who cared, that helped to heal the scars within me. I slowly regained the sense that I was worth something and in time I was able to finally stop self-harming because I mattered. It was similar to a blind man being able to see for the first time.
I used to feel so alone as if I was the only one rooting for me to win, but now that I have more people in my corner that care for me unconditionally, it’s given me the power to break out of my shell. I used to be more reserved, hiding my pain behind a mask, afraid to speak up for myself, let alone for others. However, my friends have noticed that I’m not like that anymore. I’ve opened up to people, I’ve finally started to let everyone see what was inside. I’m also quick to stand up to others, something that never would’ve happened before. Other people have noticed too, for example, one of the girls who was on this year’s yearbook team mentioned to me at the end of the year that I was one who was the most changed, even though it was so subtle that it slide right by everyone else.
I’m not the same girl I used to be, and even though these changes are small in the eyes of others, they are huge figuring who I was before and it’s all thanks to those three women. This all makes me wonder if I had seen nothing, but good for having friends who supported me through the internet; then why is there still such a bad stigma with not having met who you’re talking to before? If one girl can be changed for the better, why aren’t we encouraging others who need the same help as I did to explore this way of finding the support they need?
