Hey Grandma, I miss you. But to say I just "miss" you isn't what I mean. I mean I miss you so much that it hurts my stomach. I miss your eggs that you would make, I miss your hugs, I miss your kisses, I miss your voice. Your voice. I'm slowly losing my memory of your voice after four years and that's an awful feeling. I try so hard to hold onto that and each day it gets harder to. I don't want to forget how you sounded when you told me you loved me or how you laughed.
You were more than just my grandma, you were my best friend. I would tell you everything and you never judged me. We would gossip while eating a McDonald's McFlurry, something I took for granted at the time. Something I would give anything to do just one more time. You always understood me and it didn't matter what it was. From not liking the shoes dad got me to me ditching school, you understood me and supported me. You made me feel so special. You always made me feel so special.
There's really not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. Some days are harder than others. Some days I will look at birthday cards with your handwriting and smile from ear to ear. Other days I can look at the same birthday card with your handwriting and break down as tears run down my face.
I miss all of the sleepovers we had when we would play Sorry and you would make me breakfast the next day. Or playing Barbies with you. Or sitting on the pool table and helping you fold laundry. I wish I could relive those days, to go back in time and be in those moments, I would give absolutely anything.
There are so many things I learned from you and I'm still learning from you even though you aren't here with me. You taught me to always be kind even when others aren't. You taught me how to be selfless and love with my entire heart. Which I wish you could see. I'm so glad you got to meet Garrison when we started dating. I wish you cold see us now and how much we've grown and the plans we have. I wish you cold still be here to see how we are still together. I wish you could see me get married. You taught me relationships. Seeing you and grandpa together since 17 years old, seeing how in love you guys still were after all of those years, seeing how you both always tried, you taught me relationships without even knowing it. I will always look up to you.
I wish you could see me graduate college this semester with a degree that you would be so proud of. But I know you will be there though, watching me and smiling because you would be so proud.
Even though you aren't physically here with me, I often still feel you here with me. I wish I could describe to people what it feels like when I feel like you are still next to me. I can feel you guiding me to make the best choices with my heart and when I pray I feel you next to me. It gives me goosebumps. I find peace and comfort knowing that you are still watching over me like you used to do. I find peace and comfort knowing that you aren't in pain anymore.
"If Heaven wasn't so far away, I'd pack up my bags and go for a day."
I love you so much and I always will. Forever,