We've finally come to a point in our society where, I think, more people want to be an ally than those who do not. But, the key word is want, because good intentions do not usually eqaute to good actions. You can want to help but actually end up hurting. This is my guide to how I try to be an ally. I hope you can use these tips to help those closest to you.
Listen More Than You Speak
You do not create the conversation. You do not control the conversation. You are simply supporting the conversation. Your #1 priority is to listen to as many voices in the group you are trying to ally yourself to, so you know how you can best be of service. Now, this doesn’t mean you should never speak up! If you have listened for long enough and believe you can be of some help in the conversation, then do your best. That’s what being an ally is all about! But, if you have the choice between amplifying your voice, or the voice of a person who is a part of the minority you’re allying yourself to, always pick their voice.
Listening also goes hand in hand with learning. While you are listening to the conversation, you should be learning about it as well. You cannot be a good ally simply because you support this or that minority group. You must also understand the issues that group is facing and be able to challenge hate speech against that group. You should be constantly searching for more information to make yourself a better ally.
Don't Expect Help or Praise
It is not the responsibility of the group you are trying to ally yourself with to educate you or praise you. So, don’t expect members of a minority group to be your one stop Wikipedia on how to be a good ally to them. They deal with enough stupidity daily without having to train an army of privileged people. Also, don’t expect special treatment because you’re an ally. That’s not why you’re an ally. You’re an ally because it is, essentially, just the morally good thing to be. You’re not going to (or shouldn’t) win any awards for treating someone with basic human decency. It’s also very important that you not go to a minority group asking for emotional support. You shouldn’t ask for forgiveness (except for specific transgressions), because you’re draining the emotional support from people who are constantly berated by what seems like, and sometimes is, everyone.
That being said, if you are offered help or criticism, accept it without comment and add it to your wealth of knowledge. When a conversation is started, don’t be afraid to ask questions about something someone says. Like #1 says, listening and learning are key to being an ally! Don’t miss opportunities to get more information. If you are criticized, you must apologize regardless of whether you agree with the criticism. You must make yourself accountable for your mistake. And, most importantly, you must learn from your mistakes, never make them again, and educate others around you. Some take criticisms as insults - they’re not. They’re learning opportunities.
Never Stop
Just because you are privileged and don’t deal with racism, sexism, bigotry, homophobia, or any other hate speech personally on a day to day basis, does not mean you can take breaks whenever you don’t feel like standing up for your cause. If you’re a self-proclaimed ally, then you’re a self-proclaimed ally 24/7. People who are targeted by hate speech don’t get breaks, you don’t either.
This also includes you helping other allies. #2 makes it clear that members of a minority group aren’t responsible for educating allies, so that means you are. You have a real responsibility to make sure people that share your privilege are educated in the matter. So, don’t just call out your super racist aunt on Facebook. Also call out your cool aunt who doesn’t normally say racist stuff.
