Something I have wanted to write about for a while now is the struggles I face on a daily basis with “heavy boobs”. After finishing the first season of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend this week, I decided to face the topic head on. If you haven’t heard of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend PLEASE go watch it; it’s on Netflix so there’s really no excuse. I relate to the main character, Rebecca Bunch, in more ways than I’d like to admit, especially when it comes to heavy boobs. In one her hilariously filmed music videos, Rebecca addresses the issue of having very large boobs.

Personally, I cannot remember when my boobs were not an issue for me on a daily basis. Here are just some of the complaints I have with my larger-than-average boobs inspired by Rebecca herself:

1. There are no cute bras in my size. Black, white, and beige, that’s about it.
2. I have to special order my bras online. Also, they cost about 5 times the average bra.
3. Finding a sports bra is horrible. I honestly cannot find one that does the job and I am not about to buy two or more bras just to work out.
4. I don’t/can’t run. Since I can’t find a good sports bra, running is horrible. I also can’t run very far.
5. Button down shirts are not an option. Forget buttoning anything, even blazers.
6. “Do you have back problems?” Of course I do, have you not seen my boobs?
7. People ask me what size I am. Just because they are large does not mean you get to ask.
8. Pregnancy scares the crap out of me. My boobs are already big enough, they don’t need to be bigger.
9. Breast enlargement? Honestly, why?
10. “Have you ever considered reduction surgery?” While I have thought of it from time to time, I don’t feel comfortable when someone asks me if I want to surgically change my body.
11. Crumbs. My boobs really are like a Mary Poppins bag. At the end of the night when the bra comes off, I find my remnants from everything I ate that day.
12. Seatbelts, purses, and necklaces. All three divide your boobs into two and are very uncomfortable.
13. Boob sweat. I don’t even have to be working out, there’s always sweat in between.
14. My shirt/dress size does not reflect my actual size. I’m sure I would be a whole shirt size smaller if I didn’t have the size boobs I do.
15. No one believes I am the size I am. Or that my size even exists. Why would I make it up? I’ve already established; it’s very painful.
16. Bralettes? What the hell are those? Honestly, someone please explain this to me.
17. Backless clothing is not an option. Not wearing a bra is uncomfortable too. No form of boob contraption is going to work on mine.
18. Not being able to lay on my stomach. Or back for that matter. Or anyway without being uncomfortable.
19. When people say, “You’re lucky, I wish I had big boobs.” Honestly, you really don’t, they’re just sacks of yellow fat.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my boobs. Sometimes they look really nice in shirts, can be used as a temporary table, or for folding laundry, and are a nice form of protection. All I’m saying is they are really annoying most of the time but at the end of the day they’re a part of me and they definitely aren’t going anywhere.