To the person in our life who left to soon this is for you!
There are a lot of things that need to be said after you left. It could be right after, days, weeks, months or years after you are gone that there are so many things happening that we want to tell you. I know death is apart of life, but are we ever really ready to say goodbye?
I cannot think of a day that doesn't go by where you don't cross my mind. There are nights where I used to not want to fall asleep because I know I would dream of you in a way I didn't want to. A dream made it seem even more real because waking up you were no longer here.
They say that if someone comes to you in your dreams after they pass it is typically a message from them letting you know they are there
Unfortunately after someone passes all you have is the memories, the photos, the videos and when they visit you in your dreams. Bad things happen to good people in our life and we will never understand why. I used to question God's will until I realized that he needed my brother back in Heaven with him. There was a reason though I may never know until I am gone but I know God had a plan for him.
God knows what is best and will forever call the best angels home to be with him in Heaven. So here is a letter to my person in Heaven.
To my guardian angel,
I miss you. It has been a while since I have seen you or heard your voice. You went to be with the Lord at such a young age and I never understood why. My heart will always hold that in there and will forever be heavy. I always have to remind myself to live for you and through you and to keep pushing through because that's what you would do.
I cry a lot, the first few years of you being gone was a shock, heck the first few weeks and months were still a shock. I had to adjust to a life without someone who was born into my life a year after I was. So yes, I cry and I need a good cry every once in a while that way I know you will listen and see that I need guidance. You would think after 1,448 days without you I wouldn't hurt as much as I do that we all would try our best to move on and be happy that you are with God, that your friends wouldn't still check on us after all this time.. and that we wouldn't miss you as much as we do. But here is the thing, we do miss you, we still talk about you daily like you are here and we just wish you could experience so many milestones in your life and in our life with us.
I wish you were here to see the person I have become and still continue to strive to be. I wish you were here to witness the things that have happened over time. I wish you were here to see how many people get together to remember you and raise money in your memory. I know you can obviously see everything and play a huge part in why life is turning out the way it is. YOU have a front row seat watching everyone get married, have their babies, being happy, graduating and getting accepted into their dream school and programs. You get to watch everyone live for you and through you so I mean how cool is that? How cool is it that you have changed people for the better? How cool is it that everyone is living for you ? Am i selfish for wishing you were here to experience all of these milestones and wishing you were here for the day I get married? Yes, but I also know you are having the time of your life with god
There was a song that came out a few weeks after you left this world, you would love it. It is Craig Campbells song called "Outskirts of Heaven" It says
"Lord when I die I wanna live
On the outskirts of Heaven
Where there's dirt roads for miles
Hay in the fields and fish in the river
Where there's dogwood trees and honey bees
And blue skies and green grass forever
Lord when I die, I wanna live on the outskirts of Heaven"
There is nothing that describes how you would have lived your life on Heaven and on Earth besides this right here.
I always find myself finding things of yours randomly in my snapchat memories like you rapping some Petey Pablo song or the Real Slim Shady on our car rides.
I think about when we were kids we would always go up to the gas station to get a lot of candy that was 2 for $1.00 and how whenever Fall came around how we would jump in the huge pile of leaves. I think about on the 4th of July whenever you shot a hole in Grandma's house with a firework. I think about getting into high school and having your first real girlfriend and you having me and my best friend help you think of how to ask her to HOCO and having us make the sign for you while you did the rest. I think about us having the same friends
I find myself thinking about how your friends have become my friends and like family to us since you were taken from us that night. I miss being able to talk to you, I miss having someone there for me all the time, I miss having someone who shared common interests, I miss having you as the wild side and me as the calm one. I miss being able to call you whenever I needed something.
I still have your phone number in my phone, I still text you often. I want you to know a few things, there isn't a day we don't have you on our mind.
I have now slowed down my life and enjoyed the little things that have come my way. I want to say thank you for sending my the love of my life, if it wasn't for you telling me what he said about me I don't know where we would be. Thank you for sending me some of the most amazing people and their families. The little things will soon become big things whenever you look back in 20 years and laugh at those moments so I have learned to cherish everything.
I realize that every memory even the bad ones with you I will cherish for the rest of my life. I remember your bright smile after you got your braces off, I remember you spinning on your head whenever you learned how to break dance, I remember your laugh because honestly who doesn't? I remember you barging in my room if me or my friends took your clothes or just whenever you heard your song on late at night. I remember how excited you were after a weekend of hunting and you got a buck.
I would give anything to hug you one last time, to hear your laugh, and to see your smile. I will try to keep my life together knowing everything i do is for you. I will remember all the fun times, the sad times, the happiest moments of our lives I will remember.
Now God, do my a favor take care of my brother, let him know everyday we love him and miss him, and keep him in line because you know he was a pain in the butt. Make sure he knows how much everyone cared for him and make sure he knows that his friends miss him. Make sure he knows we celebrated his birthday and holidays and each birthday and holiday we remember him in different ways. Make sure he knows he was my person my best friend and the person I wanted to be there when i got married to walk me down the isle.
If love could have saved you Logan Ray it would have because sweet brother you were so loved and still are to this very day. There are so many stories about you that surface everyday. We all just remember on the good times and love you to the moon and back.
To anyone who has lost someone close to them, I recommend finding people to talk to and find that support that is needed for you. Never hold anything in and it is always okay to cry. You can cry at any given moment because Lord knows grief is a tough thing and it takes a while to fully cope and get yourself together. I also recommend finding God and finding someone who understands you and is willing to listen.
I also want to thank Logan's friends and their families and the people I have met along the way.
In Memory of Logan R. Whisenhunt