Break-ups can be heart wrenching and take a toll on every aspect of your life if you let it. No matter what anyone says, it is not that easy to just "move forward" or "let it go", especially if your whole heart was invested in the relationship.
Whether you are the one who got broke up with or you are the one to say "I'm done", it can take weeks, months, or even years to feel like you again.
About two years ago, I decided to end a ten year relationship with my husband whom I had been married to for four years. He and I had met freshman year in college and had basically grown up together, making that transition from college kid to an adult. That bond is hard to just break no matter what the circumstances because he wasn't just my husband, he was my best friend. Even writing this, I'm tearing up – that goes to show you that heartbreaks even years later still hurt.
I spent months knowing my marriage was in a hole, but going back and forth as to what I wanted to do. I knew I wasn't happy and that he wasn't happy, but I was not okay with ending a marriage I committed to for life. It literally broke me – and by "it", I mean the actual ending of the relationship, as well as the issues between us.
Three months later of living separate lives, I filed for divorce. In those months, I was very self-destructive because my whole world was turned upside down.
This behavior ended the day I signed the divorce papers. I was still in an enormous amount of pain, but I chose to take out my emotions in a different way.
I decided to actually focus on myself, in a healthy way. I told myself no matter what happened or what was about to happen, God had me here for a reason and to self-destruct was not it. Below are the strategies/activities that helped me overcome those difficult moments and helped rebuild my life:
- Workouts at the gym, either solo or with a friend. I went about five times a week. Nothing crazy, but I would blast out my music while walking/running on the treadmill and lifting weights.
- Yoga. This was great in quieting my mind and helping me listen to my inner self.
- Pedicures/Manicures. This one seems silly, but I never really spent money on myself – always on bills. Being able to get my nails done every three weeks or so was nice!
- Writing. I wrote letters to get my feelings out and also journaled quite a bit.
- Painting/Crafting. I would go to any "Sip and Wine" events and I also picked up knitting again. If you are on a budget, there are a ton of dollar store crafts you can google/youtube.
- Binge watch a funny sitcom. For me, Friends is always my go-to.
- Self-help books/blogs/podcasts. Anything that was uplifting and positive.
- Essential oils – Lavender in particular. Helps calm down your body through your senses.
- Make plans with your friends. It can be hard with everyone's work schedules, but reach out purposely.
- Start a side business or focus. For me, I got more focused on helping others through my Arbonne business. This took my mind off of the negative.
- Create a vision board. Cut out phrases and pictures of what you want you life to look like. Make a board, and make it happen.
- Get outside! Go for a walk, take in your surroundings and the beauty of nature.
- Join a support group at a local church or organization. Meet new people who are similar to you.
- Make a gratitude list of everything you are grateful for. It will help keep things in perspective, especially when you feel like you have nothing.
- Temporarily disconnect from social media. Social media, whether through Instagram or Facebook, tends to give people the impression that others have it all together. This is FAR from true. Things might look perfect on someone's page, but that is anything but the truth. You don't know what is going on behind closed doors. Don't let this "image" make you feel bad about your life.
- Lastly, don't compare yourself to others. Your journey in life it not meant to look like someone else's. I used to get upset seeing another person pregnant or thriving with success. And you know what? That is such a waste of energy and time. Wish others happiness and do not compare.
