So, maybe you get that dream job. Maybe you finally got that house you always wanted. Maybe you have enough money to live comfortably. But, something isn’t right.

Why would any of that matter if you have no love in your life. I’m not talking about just having some casual relationships (which are becoming disturbingly commonplace) and having no responsibility to anyone else. What I mean is this: if you live your whole life seeking money, success, and pleasure, yet never risk actually falling in love, what are you doing with your life?

A victory without risk of defeat is meaningless, and in the same way, a life lived safely to avoid the risk of heartbreak is in its own way, an acceptance of death. Everyone dies; it is a fact that no one has ever liked to dwell upon. Why? Because it means that we are mortal, and pain is a reminder of that mortality. Yet the body does not feel pain after death. So, if a life is lived without pain, how different is it from being dead?

In many countries, death is a more pressing issue. However, in a first world country where issues of violence and disease are significantly reduced what do we as people do? We play safe. We go around doing an unending number things, not because they matter, but to keep us entertained. Somewhere along our society’s path to decadence, falling in love stopped being important. Why? Because it is scary. Logically thinking, a person should look out for health and wealth before seeking anything more human. While we are following this line of reasoning, we might as well add that pain is never a priority. According to this logic, if you have food, a roof over your head, and the means to acquire more food, then you have achieved your life’s potential and all that is left to do is wait for death. Sure you could argue that reproducing for the sake of the species creates some urge for intimacy, but that alone would simply mean that once your offspring matured, death was again your next stop.

The life described above would be busy, long-lived, and cold. It is based on the assumption that the only good things in life were painless. But as I am addressing this article to living breathing people on the same planet as I am, we both know that this is not true.

Pain is part of life. When pain shows up, life becomes scary, we are reminded that death could hide around any corner, and we run. We run and cry until we can find some safety. Our first instinct is to find a more convenient way and ignore anything that could hurt. But somehow that hasn’t always been the case, somehow people have overcome fear in the name of something better.

Let’s assume that as a kid, you enjoyed riding your bike; maybe you still do, but that is irrelevant to this picture. Learning to ride means that you are going to fall. It is going to hurt. It will happen a lot. But even through the skinned knees, and bruised elbows, you somehow learn to love the experience of riding and being free.

It is like that with falling in love. At first, you hear about only the good things; the joy, the butterflies, and warm fuzzy feelings. It sounds silly, but you realize that you want to know what it is like. Then, you feel pain. It comes in many forms, only you know exactly what it is like. The pain is scary, you might run, you might cry, and you might give up. Maybe later in life, you find some more convenient option and forget what it feels like to have cared and you wait for death.

Or maybe you fight. Maybe whoever hurt you can no longer be trusted or is simply not there anymore. That does not mean that you cannot love anyone else. The trick is not to forget. Yes, memories are frightening and confusing, but it is important to remember that you can fall in love and that you can be loved.

Love is hardly ever convenient, and there will be times that it brings pain with it. But later in life, after the job is boring and the roof leaks and the money is no longer enough, the most powerful thing left will be love. Whether you found it and nurtured it, in which case it will give you strength, or if you stopped loving only to discover the most powerful force in your life is regret.

My love life is strange, to say the least. My girlfriend and I live in different states, and the distance can hurt. Sometimes it hurts a lot, like when she has a bad day and I cannot hold her close, or when I see a show and I turn, expecting to see her sitting next to me only to remember the reality of it. It hurts immensely. But it is worth it. When we talk, just have a normal conversation, I realize that the pain is worth the joy of having this amazing person in my life. For some reason, we can talk about whatever is on our minds and every crazy thing in my life feels alright. The madness is okay because I have her.

What we have is not convenient or very practical for economic purposes, and if I were living the cold life from earlier, this would be unreasonable. However with her, my life isn’t cold, and love is the reason.

Love is scary because it is real. It reminds us that we can die, but it tells us that we are alive. Don’t be afraid.