Have you ever wondered what life would be like without a loved one? A person who means so much to you, no longer around. I never did, until one day it became my reality.
On November 25th, 2012, my world got flipped upside down and broke into a million pieces. My mom had been battling Stage 4 Colon Cancer for the past thirteen months. She fought like a warrior, never letting anything get in her way or slow her down. She lived her life through all the pain, full of faith and prayer. November 25th will forever be the worst day I have had to endure. I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. I kept telling myself it wasn't real, she was going to wake up. November 25th became the day I would have to live without her, learn how to take on this life without my mom, my best friend.
So what do I do now? The reality of having to live without her, something I never imagined my life would be like. But here I am, a little over four years later and I'm still standing. There are still days where I break down and wonder why this had to happen to me. Why did my mom have to be the one who got taken away? It took me a couple years to come to this realization; this life was given to me for a reason by Him. Nothing in this life ever happens to you, it happens for you. Now I'm sure some people think I'm crazy for thinking that way. Yes, in the beginning I wanted nothing to do with God. I was angry and upset, with so many questions that I didn't have answers to. If you knew my mom, she was the most Godly woman you could have ever met. She always told me, the cancer didn't happen to her, it happened for her. I was always so confused, wondering how she could be so calm while the rest of us were falling apart. My mom's faith was so strong, I'm sure it could have moved mountains.
The other half of my heart went with her, the day she was called Home. The past four years have been full of firsts and what ifs. I have done so many things I wish I could tell her, wondering if she's proud of me. The woman I have turned out to be. I can only hope I'm becoming at least half the woman she was.
How do you live your life without this loved one? How do go about your daily routine knowing you won't be seeing them? I know it's hard, trust me. Honestly, I'm still learning some days. But then I think, how would she want me living my life? Would she want me upset? Of course not, she would want me to live my life to the fullest. This thought helps me to get through everyday. I live my life for her. I live my life for all she wanted for me, to simply be happy.
My life will never be the same without her but knowing I have her as my guardian angel, watching over me, makes this life all the more bearable. Yes, the other half of my heart will always reside with her in Heaven but this life, here on earth is filling up. My mom has led me to my happiest days, filling the emptiness she took with her. She knew I was going to need more room in my heart for all she would bring me.
So how do you live with half of your heart in Heaven? You simply live.
