A Healthy Masculinity

A Healthy Masculinity

Hollywood's Manly Man is not the man we need.
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Gunfire. Explosions. Brawls. Beer. Babes. Mustaches. This is what it takes to be a man.

Or is it?

My father is one of the best men I know. He owns and maintains several firearms. He stocks up on fireworks for the Fourth of July. He taught me how to throw a proper punch. He keeps the cooler stocked with his favorite beers. He married the woman of his dreams. And on vacation, at least, he lets the beard grow. But none of these things define him as a person.

What defines my father, instead, is his dignity. He is a man of faith, and a man of hard labor. He loves to work with his hands. He treats my mother with respect and fidelity. He put just as much of himself into raising his two sons as every other aspect of his life; that is to say, 100%. He never seems to be working on less than three or four different projects and labors at once, and yet none of them ever seem to merit less than his full attention.

So which side of my father makes him a man? Is it the brawny, sports-car loving macho man? Or the gentle, stir-fry wrangling family man? And which image ought we elevate above the other?

The answer is glaringly, gleamingly obvious. The world has enough macho men running about in tank tops and Oakleys. What we need now is the family man in a collared shirt and reading glasses.

I was reminded of this juxtaposition when I went to see Logan with my father and my brother. The Wolverine always has been and always will be an action man; the leather jacket and jeans, the half-smoked cigar hanging from his lips, the unbreakable metal claws gleaming between his knuckles all labeling him as a hard man in a hard world. But in Logan, he's faced with his own age; at 200 years old, he's beginning to face the ravages of time.

Then along comes Laura, a young Mexican girl who is, for all intents and purposes, his daughter. He wants no part in her care, however, because he knows what his influence means: "I am f*ed up," he confesses, "I can't get you where you need to go." On the surface, it seems that he is referring to the toll their journey has taken on his body, but he is also acknowledging that for all the masculinity oozing from every scar and beard follicle, he is not the man to raise a child.

Unfortunately, that ultra-manly action hero has become the object of admiration in popular culture, and Hollywood especially. Any more, the odds that you'll find a family man trying to care for his own in a non-Western film are slim to none.

But that's what the world needs, now more than ever. We need husbands and fathers, men who are willing to put in the work and care for the people that God put in their care.

Because at the end of the day, a man is not defined by how many guns he owns, or the size of his handlebar mustache. He is perhaps best summed up in the poem If, by Rudyard Kipling:

"If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

"If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

"If you can make a heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

"If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!"


































Cover Image Credit: Pinterest

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6 Things You Should Know About The Woman Who Can't Stand Modern Feminism

Yes, she wants to be heard too.

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views

2018 is sort of a trap for this woman. She believes in women with all of the fire inside of her, but it is hard for her to offer support when people are making fools of themselves and disguising it as feminism.

The fact of the matter is that women possess qualities that men don't and men possess qualities that women don't. That is natural. Plus, no one sees men parading the streets in penis costumes complaining that they don't get to carry their own fetus for nine months.

1. She really loves and values women.

She is incredibly proud to be a woman.

She knows the amount of power than a woman's presence alone can hold. She sees when a woman walks into a room and makes the whole place light up. She begs that you won't make her feel like a "lady hater" because she doesn't want to follow a trend that she doesn't agree with.

2. She wants equality, too

She has seen the fundamental issues in the corporate world, where women and men are not receiving equal pay.

She doesn't cheer on the businesses that don't see women and men as equivalents. But she does recognize that if she works her butt off, she can be as successful as she wants to.

3. She wears a bra.

While she knows the "I don't have to wear a bra for society" trend isn't a new one, but she doesn't quite get it. Like maybe she wants to wear a bra because it makes her feel better. Maybe she wears a bra because it is the normal things to do... And that's OK.

Maybe she wants to put wear a lacy bra and pretty makeup to feel girly on .a date night. She is confused by the women who claim to be "fighting for women," because sometimes they make her feel bad for expressing her ladyhood in a different way than them.

4. She hates creeps just as much as you do. .

Just because she isn't a feminist does not mean that she is cool with the gruesome reality that 1 in 5 women are sexually abused.

In fact, this makes her stomach turn inside out to think about. She knows and loves people who have been through such a tragedy and wants to put the terrible, creepy, sexually charged criminals behind bars just as bad as the next woman.

Remember that just because she isn't a feminist doesn't mean she thinks awful men can do whatever they want.

5. There is a reason she is ashamed of 2018's version of feminism.

She looks at women in history who have made a difference and is miserably blown away by modern feminism's performance.

Not only have women in the past won themselves the right to vote, but also the right to buy birth control and have credit cards in their names and EVEN saw marital rape become a criminal offense.

None of them dressed in vagina costumes to win anyone over though... Crazy, right?

6. She isn't going to dress in a lady parts costume to prove a point.

This leaves her speechless. It is like the women around her have absolutely lost their minds and their agendas, only lessening their own credibility.

"Mom, what are those ladies on TV dressed up as?"

"Ummm... it looks to me like they are pink taco's honey."

She loves who she is and she cherished what makes her different from the men around her. She doesn't want to compromise who she is as a woman just so she can be "equal with men."

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My Adoption. My Life. My Business.

PSA: Stop trying to fit me into a box. Thanks.

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I want to start off by saying that I love being adopted. I don't wish for my life to be any different, and I wouldn't change the past, either. I love all the amazing people it's brought into my life. I love all my amazing family and friends. But most importantly, I love the amazing mom it's given me. I could not have been any luckier when it comes to my mom. She is amazing, understanding, strong, and someone I will always admire.

But some days being adopted can be annoying.

As a child, my race or my culture made sense to me...until third grade. My teacher assigned the class a culture project about our families and where we come from. Both my parents are Polish, therefore I know quite a bit about Polish culture. I was so excited and couldn't wait to talk about my family's culture and traditions. When it was my turn to present, I stood up in front of all of my classmates, looked at their faces, and said, "My family has a very strong Polish culture." The minute those words left my mouth, confusion appeared on everyone's faces. I saw them whispering to one another; some of them were making faces. I felt my face getting red and my hands start to sweat. I thought I had done something wrong or said the wrong thing.

I was adopted and came to the United States when I was three months old. As I've gotten older, some common questions I encounter are "Wait...you're an Asian girl with a white girl accent?" or "You're from Korea but you don't speak Korean?" I don't take it personally, I just simply respond with, "I'm adopted." Most people nod their head in an understanding fashion, but others are still confused and continue to question.

Look, I get it, you look at me and you can clearly tell I'm Asian. Anyone would assume that I only practice Asian culture and not Polish culture, which I understand. People always ask questions after I tell them I'm adopted, which is also fine, but they always want my whole life story. But they don't really want my whole life story, they just want the easy, short, five-minute version. Even when I'm done that speech, they still have comments and questions, which is where I get irritated.

My parents wanted their daughter to be a part of THEIR culture and THEIR traditions, which is what most parents hope for. People try to tell me I'm "not Asian enough," or that "I should do more Asian stuff," and even question "why I know Polish stuff." These questions are not even because they are curious about me, they are just questions that these people need answers to in order for them to understand the situation. They try to shame me for my outside not matching my inside.

When I was younger, these questions would get in my head. I would consider the idea that they were right. That I should try and know more Korean things, try to "be more Asian." I started to feel like I was doing something wrong or that I was breaking some social rule. But then I would try and "be more Asian," only to be told I was a "typical Asian" or that I only like those things "because I'm Asian."

As I've grown up, I've come to the conclusion that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I learned that I can't please everyone and that I shouldn't have to. If I like who I am, then who cares what others think?

That being said, I just have one thing to say to those people: Mind your own damn business.

In my eyes, I am the perfect amount of Korean and Polish. Stop trying to tell me who I should be or what I should know. Stop telling me what I should and shouldn't like.

Most importantly, stop trying to figure out which box I belong in.

I am perfectly okay with not fitting in a certain category. Being adopted has made me more open-minded and taught me to never believe in stereotypes. I love that my life is this big melting pot of cultures. If I like something, it's because I like it, not because it's common among my race and vise versa. Being Korean AND being Polish are big parts of who I am. If that doesn't make sense to people, that's not my problem. I am who I am, and I love who I am.

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