I take ibuprofen almost every day because I constantly have headaches. My temples hurt even as a write this. My mom has a similar issue, so I assumed they were caused by some sort of headache gene with which I had been blessed. However, I realized about a month ago that many of my headaches actually come from something I do for the benefit of others.
Whenever I want to appear attentive, I push my ears back and raise my eyebrows. I widen my eyes so my partner in conversation can see that I am listening. If I relax my face, I look uninterested, and I don’t want anyone to think their words are lost on me.
This especially comes into play when I meet new people or when I’m around people with whom I’m not entirely comfortable. I don’t want them to think I’m bored or mean, so I keep my eyebrows up and my eyes widened.
After one recent occasion during which I did this for several hours without stopping, I rode for about an hour down twisted mountain roads and was nearly sick because my head already hurt so badly before getting in the car.
This begs the question: how much are you willing to do to make others comfortable? Is it worth causing yourself physical pain? Is it worth putting yourself in even greater discomfort than the people surrounding you would have faced had you just relaxed?
Of course, dressing appropriately for particular events is a must, and proper etiquette is expected, but why should anyone feel obligated to put themselves in distress for anyone else?
This is a much greater battle than experiencing pounding headaches in exchange for preserving my reputation. People are constantly required, directly or indirectly, to conceal their beliefs and values in situations where being vocal about them is frowned upon. Our first amendment does not engender impunity from all persecution, especially not that of our peers.
Even in America, people are shot strange looks for wearing religious garments or targeted for being of certain ethnic descents.
Even in America, people are hated for being with the people they love or for not choosing to bring a child into the world.
Even in America, women in power are called “nagging wives” and are not paid equally for equal work. For the land of the free, many are punished in some way for being themselves.
More prevalent is the “shushing” that suppresses those who most need to be heard:
If women say they should be treated equally, the world says, “Shh… women have never had more rights.”
If Black people say they shouldn’t be profiled and often killed unnecessarily, many quickly respond, “Shh… all lives matter.”
If a homosexual couple wants to get married, many groups still say, “Shh… gay people are sinners.”
If transgender people want to use the bathrooms corresponding with their genders so they aren’t assaulted, even the government says, “Shh… transgender people are pedophiles.”
If people making minimum wage ask to make a living wage, they are met with, “Shh… just go to college and get a better job.”
If college students say their education is too expensive, they hear, “Shh… millennials are lazy.”
We don’t like hearing about the cracks in the system. We don’t like to hear about problems that will require effort and change to solve, but we as a society need to stop making people suffer in silence. We need to stop stifling discussions that need to be had. We need to stop giving headaches to those who just want to relax and be themselves.
