“So are we breaking up?” he asked. The words hit me like bricks as I stared out the rain streaked car window. “Yeah, I think so” I replied quietly. I replayed the last hour in my mind, all the things we had discussed, reasons it wasn’t going to work out. After three months of hand holding, fun dates and growing feelings, it was over, this was it. As hard as it was to wrap my mind around the breakup, what he said next cut me deeper than I could have imagined. “It’s not a big deal right? It wasn’t that long of a relationship. I always kind of knew you weren’t the one.”

I sat in my car long after he had driven off. The rain falling seemed appropriate for such a moment as this. “Not the one?” How can you date someone for three months and not believe you had a chance together? I don’t remember driving home that night. My mind was numb, trying to comprehend feeling so damaged by such a short relationship. I’m not the one, I’m never the one.

There are many misconceptions about women. I could spend days telling you all the stereotypes people believe about us that aren’t true. I’ve grown up believing that women try to change men. That they start dating them and then use their influence to tweak and perfect each piece they don’t like. I don’t believe that’s accurate. Women don’t want to change men, they want to be “the one” men change for.

I never believed in “the one”. It always seemed so silly to believe there was just one person out there for each of us. One person things could work with. One person with whom we are complete. Sure, I believed in destiny and God and whatever other forces might lead you to the person you might compliment well, but never once did I consider the idea of there being just that “one.”

But somehow hearing that I wasn’t that for someone changed my perspective. I wanted to believe that I was the one he was going to change for. The one he wanted to be better for. I wanted him to choose me, to fight for me. And I wasn’t. And he didn’t.

Now, I think in life there is “the one”. No, maybe it’s not the only person in this world with whom you could ever possible be compatible with. Maybe there isn’t some grand plan in mind that matches your heart with another heart miles and miles away. And maybe he won’t change for you in the way you always thought he would. But I think there is “the one.”

He’s the one who is so sure that you are the only person he wants to be with, the one who doesn’t have to change, but learns how to compromise on some of the important things in life. He’s the one who works for your relationship just as hard as you, the one who makes you laugh and reminds you to look for beauty in the world when you don’t believe there is any. He’s the guy who fights for you and refuses to watch you pull away without reminding you that you are his one, the one.

I’m not naïve enough to believe that a relationship or marriage is going to be all rainbows and sunshine. Life knocked that out of me a long time ago. I also don’t believe that you will always know right away if that person is your “one” simply by looking at them. It takes time to build something worthwhile.

But sitting in that car on that rainy night feeling as if I had just been stabbed through my broken heart, I realized something. It’s worth the wait. I mean, it better be right? Let’s wait for the guys who believe we are “the one” because no one else is really worth it. Don’t settle for someone who sees you as a good time, or a temporary distraction. Wait for the guy who sees you as the one, his one.

To the guy who wasn’t my one, it’s okay. I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope one day you meet a girl you can’t bear to live without. I hope you find “the one”. And I hope to the high heavens that you never again date a girl for months knowing she isn’t “the one”.

And to “the one” for me, don’t be too long please. We have stuff to do and places to see! We have adventures to go on and mountains to climb. I can’t wait to meet you.