He never hit me...
He was so nice, not just nice but a gentleman. He was the kind of boy you take home to meet your parents and he brings your mom flowers. He had a smile that could light up a room and a way with words that drove you crazy. It was a good kind of crazy, at least until it wasn't.
The arguments started and you didn't think anything of it because what couple doesn't fight? They got worse and more frequent as time went on. Hurtful words began to roll off of his tongue ever so easy but again, you pushed it to the back of your mind. After all, everyone says things when they're mad that they don't mean, right? Words are just words, though.
Things could be worse, it's not like he ever hit me.
Then the arguments got worse and the words more malicious. You began to believe the things he said about you. He made you feel dumb and unimportant. You started to think that you were going crazy like this was all your fault. You weren't though, that's just what he wanted you to think. He had this way of manipulating people down to a t, as if he had taken a course and rehearsed it hundreds of time. You started to feel like you had to walk on eggshells because one wrong word or action could set him off and honestly, a person can only handle so much neglect before they break. Your friends started to see it and even asked why you put up with the abuse you know deep down you didn't deserve.
You simply brushed off their concerns with saying, “Well it's not like he ever hit me.”
One day he's in a bad mood to no fault of your own but you get stuck in the crossfire. The name calling, the raised voice, the embarrassment he makes you feel just all gets to be too much for you one day. You find yourself crying in your car at one in the morning and yet a part of you still thinks this is your fault even though you did nothing wrong. So instead of going home like you should have done you go to him and do anything you can to fix the problem because after all, you love him. Right? You forget your pride and apologize for something you didn't do and continue to put up with him for the rest of the night in hopes he'll wake up the next morning realizing he was in the wrong, because we all know that's worked so well in the past. The night goes on and things get worse and suddenly in the midst of his drunken rant his hands raised and suddenly you find yourself falling into a wall. You paused and even questioned if what just happened really happened even though you knew deep down it was going to happen eventually. Later on that night staring into the mirror of a bar bathroom you try to justify what happened by saying to yourself, “It was my fault. It was just a push, he didn't actually hit me.”
You're trying to protect him as if it's your responsibility to cover his ass. You know deep down what he did was wrong but it wasn't wrong enough because you love him. Just how much are you willing to put up with from someone you love though? That night tossing and turning in your bed you just replay the incident over and over again in your head. It was just a shove and some hurtful insults but you wish he would have hit you. You wish so bad that the marks he left were visible because for some reason you can't justify the fact that his verbal and mental abuse was enough of a reason to walk away. If there weren't any visible marks for anyone to see did it really happen? He couldn't see what he was doing to you if he couldn't physically see a bruise. In his eyes being verbally and mentally abusive was okay because after all, was it really hurting you if you weren't bruised or broken?
You are broken, though. He can't see it but you can. You can feel it and it's only going to get worse. After the first time, he yelled he promised things would get better and you believed him yet tonight you lay awake in shock because the man you love; the man who promised things would get better; pushed you to the ground. When does it stop? When will he draw the line? First a push then a punch, is that something you really want to stick around for? I know you love him but do you want to live every day fearing that he'll come home from a bad day at work and take it out on you? Do you want to have to explain why you can't go out to dinner with your friends because you have a black eye from an “accident” you had while “getting stuff out of the attack”?
He hasn't hit you yet, but he will.
There is a fine line between arguing with someone and verbal abuse. Abuse is never okay and it's important to understand that like people, abuse can come in many different ways. Someone doesn't have to hit you to be abusive. Domestic abuse is a real ongoing thing and it doesn't have to be. If you or someone you know is a victim of abuse do not think you are alone.
Visit http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm for hot lines and help.
You are never alone.
