What a daily reminder it is for me to realize I cannot do anything without grace. I find myself, more than often, determining the course of how my day will go without feeling any peace. I have found it so easy to feel like I'm running late to realizations that I need to have. Like somehow I already missed a warning because I was too busy focusing on what I needed to get done. I have found that in these moments of chaos, is when I grow the most
If only life was full of only correct decisions and answers to all of our questions. If everything we possibly could imagine was always attainable. If only there was a cure for the emotion "fear" and that doubt ceased immediately when we said it too. If only the curiosity of the future was guaranteed to work out always. If only all of our "If only"s made sense.
I find myself relying on my own flesh for reassurance on these thoughts. I often think "If only I could just get this done, and make it happen." I often find when things don't work out that it's easy to begin the negative self-reflection. I say " It's my fault this didn't work out" instead of saying "God has something better."
No matter the situation, I always tend to believe that the feeling of success only comes when it was my idea. How dangerous I have found this to be. In our weakest moments, God shows us that He alone will guide our path. Our only job is to listen to him.
I find it so difficult to allow others to help me. I am always striving to be everything and complete tasks on my own accord. So to give up the complete power of a situation seems impossible to me, even on a relaxed day. Many say "Let go and let God," but personally I find that harder than anything.
It's NOT supposed to be easy. It's not supposed to make sense. We serve a God who works miracles that no man could ever perform. So naturally, we feel it's impossible. The most peaceful lyrics I have ever heard in "In Christ Alone" declare the peace I think we are all searching for.
"And as He stands in victory, Sin's curse has lost its grip on me; For I am His and He is mine."
If I am thankful for anything in my life it is for the moments when I am told "no." At these times I used to feel frustrated and cry out for reassurance on something I didn't believe could be fixed. To help avoid this disappointment, I have begun to say these words before I even enter a situation "And if not, He is still good."
I have found that I often think that when God turns me away from a situation it's because it is bad. This is not always the case. I could choose to ignore God and be completely "happy," but only by my standards. I have had to come to the realization that if God turns me from it, and I see no harm in it, it's because He has an outcome that is even BETTER for me. God loves me enough to turn me away from something great to something even greater.
In these moments we set ourselves up for God's biggest potential for us. I think it is the most beautiful and pure thing. In these moments of confusion, we can find peace in knowing who holds our future. In our moments of business, we can rely on the fact that He will give us rest. In these moments of loss and suffering, we know that He will give us strength.
Christ's victory can outweigh any loss you are feeling. Whether it was a wrong turn or a sudden change of heart, his grace will always cure misunderstanding. Whether you wreck from running a stop sign or are early to your job by fifteen minutes; He views you as priceless.
The cross says you're worth it.
