If You Put Communication And Rebuilding Trust First, Then Second Chances Are Worth It

If You Put Communication And Rebuilding Trust First, Then Second Chances Are Worth It

They are possible.

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I recently wrote an article about how crappy it felt to be ghosted. Don't get me wrong, I still hate remembering the feeling.

However, I recently got back in touch with the guy who ghosted me, and though I did not necessarily go into the conversation (that I started) with complete confidence that I would get the answers I sought, I do not at all regret going out on a limb to get those answers, much less what followed. You see, I decided to give us a second chance.

Now I know what you're probably thinking, if you read my article about ghosting. Why would you let him back into your life when he was so quick to leave it before? I've heard all the negative comments and the potential harm of it has swirled around my head enough times to know that at any time, something could go wrong. I've even spoken to him about it myself, exposing my vulnerability to the one who could, if he so chose, to exploit that vulnerability.

That's the thing though. I gave him the guidelines of being able to regain my trust and forgiveness: be there for me, tell me when something is wrong, just let me know I can trust you again, and spend time with me. He agreed wholeheartedly, and has since shown me that he will continue to do just that. I trust him not to take advantage of the forgiveness I've chosen to give him. He is a good person, who just made (in his own words) a mistake, that he won't repeat again.

We've seen each other way more than we had the chance to when we were together before-three times in the first week and one day, to be specific. We talk every single day through Facebook messenger and Snapchat, sometimes texting too, we've video chatted a couple times, and spent over an hour on the phone when we both need sleep on a few occasions, all in the span of two and a half weeks (bear in mind, he and I live an hour apart and we both have busy schedules with work and school, so for us, that's a lot). We talk about our issues if we have them, discussing our viewpoints and how each of us can help the other to understand if we have differing opinions on important things. We reassure each other if we need to, and communication is important to us. We make plans for dates, which reassures me that he wants to stick around for a while.

I know it's not always easy for someone to understand why anyone would take back someone who hurt them a little bit in the past. Honestly, if it had not been something I chose to do myself, I would still be of that opinion. I've realized that it's far more important to give someone a second chance if you believe that they either deserve it at the time or could be deserving of it after proving their trustworthiness. I believe he deserves the second shot I've given the relationship partially because he didn't believe that he did, or that I would forgive him at all. It showed me that he was apologetic and knew that hurting someone was wrong. It shows that he cares about making things right with me, and he shows that through his actions and his words every single day. He did not assume that I would be anything but angry at him, and he still gave me the benefit of the doubt when he read my message to him, and responded.

Even though the past hurt, the second time is better because we both know what it's like to be completely without the other, and we know it sucks, so we're working hard to both trust and be trustworthy again. It's fun to sort of pick up where we left off, and emerge stronger than before. He makes me happy, he makes me feel beautiful even when I don't think I am, and he is there for me, reassuring me that I can get through anything and he's always going to be there.

Second chances are worth giving, and he is worth giving the second chance to.

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The Thank You My Dad Deserves

While our moms are always the heroes, our dads deserve some credit, too.
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Dear Dad,

You’ve gone a really long time without being thanked. I'm not talking about thanks for things like opening the Gatorade bottle I couldn't or checking my tires when my car’s maintenance light is flashing, but rather the thanks I owe you for shaping me into the person I am today.

Thank you for teaching me what I deserve and for not letting me settle for anything less.

While the whole world was telling me I wasn’t good enough, you were there to tell me I was. Whether this was with boys, a friend, or anything else, you always built my confidence to a place I couldn’t build it to on my own. You showed me what my great qualities were and helped me feel unique. But most of all, you never let me settle for anything less than what I deserved, even when I wanted to. Without you, I wouldn’t be nearly as ambitious, outgoing or strong.

Thank you for giving me someone to make proud.

It’s hard to work hard when it’s just for myself, but so easy when it’s for you. All through school, nothing made me happier than getting a good grade back because I knew I got to come home and tell you. With everything I do, you give me a purpose.

SEE ALSO: 20 Things You Say When Calling Your Dad On The Phone

Thank you for showing me what selflessness looks like.

You are the prime example of what putting your family first looks like. If me wanting something means that you can’t get what you want, you’ll always sacrifice. From wearing the same t-shirts you’ve had since I was in elementary school so I could buy the new clothes I wanted, to not going out with your friends so you could come to my shows, you never made a decision without your family at the forefront of your mind. If there is one quality you have that I look up to you for the most, it’s your ability to completely put your needs aside and focus entirely on the wants of others.

Thank you for being the voice in the back of my head that shows me wrong from right.

Even though many of your dad-isms like “always wear a seatbelt” easily get old, whenever I’m in a situation and can’t decide if what I’m doing is right or wrong, I always can hear you in the back of my head pointing me in the right direction. While I may not boost your ego often enough by telling you you’re always right, you are.

Thank you for being real with me when nobody else will.

Being your child hasn’t always been full of happiness and encouragement, but that’s what makes you such an integral part of my life. Rather than sugarcoating things and always telling me I was the perfect child, you called me out when I was wrong. But what separates you from other dads is that instead of just knocking me down, you helped me improve. You helped me figure out my faults and stood by me every step of the way as I worked to fix them.

Most of all, thank you for showing me what a great man looks like.

I know that marriage may seem very far down the road, but I just want you to know that whoever the guy I marry is, I know he’ll be right because I have an amazing guy to compare him to. I know you’re not perfect (nobody is), but you’ve raised me in a such a way that I couldn’t imagine my kids being raised any differently. Finding a guy with your heart, drive, and generosity will be tough, but I know it will be worth it.


Dad, you’re more than just my parent, but my best friend. You’re there for me like nobody else is and I couldn’t imagine being where I am now without you.

Love you forever,

Your little girl

Cover Image Credit: Caity Callan

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I've Been Skeptical About The Holidays For A Couple Years, But I'm Ready For Them This Year

Finally decided to stop calling the Grinch my animal spirit.

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The holidays have finally reached us, and I think I speak for many of us when I say that we are excited to be able to breathe from school and spend time with our loved ones -- and to eat food, tons of it.

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But for some others, the holidays are a time that reminisces bad moment in their lives. They become a time of sadness and dark pasts. Loved ones have different faces, and homes, where good wishes are shared, have different walls painted a different color.

About four years ago, I left my country and moved to the US -- new traditions and adventures. The holidays weren't easy for my first year. I achingly missed my parents and family from Honduras. The holidays here didn't seem as exciting without all the people I had spent them countless times before.

In Honduras, on Christmas Eve we would always go visit my grandmother from my dad's side for lunch. In the afternoon, I would have dinner with my parents and brother, and then we'd go to church. After that, we would always go to my mom's family to receive midnight and have a sort of party. That was something that I always looked forward to.

The holidays here weren't as adventurous as they were over there. I would stay all day home and wait till food was served and just spend it with my family until we all decided it was time to go to sleep. They seemed pretty dull for the first two years. But now, my boring, asocial ass is fascinated with the simpleness of the holidays.

Sure, here people take the holidays more seriously than we did in Honduras, but I never assimilated. I began seeing the holidays as another day, except that deliciously exquisite food was going to be served that day. It was not like my mom's food nor like my grandmother's. Everything was different, and this difference weighed heavily on me.

Fast-forward to the present day, and I'm still kind of skeptical about the holidays. I don't get the spirit anymore, and till today, it still hasn't hit me. The only thing that I can think of is that the year is soon going to be over.

The one thing I am excited for is being able to celebrate the holidays with the new family I've been slowly building. My partner is accepted and loved by my relatives, and they invited him over to spend Christmas with us. One of my new best friends was also invited. Being able to spend this time with them kinda shines a glimmer on the idea that I have of the holidays.

This new fresh addition to my life have given me many blissful pleasures this 2018, and I know that with them, I'll probably begin to cherish the holidays a little bit more.

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