If You Put Communication And Rebuilding Trust First, Then Second Chances Are Worth It

If You Put Communication And Rebuilding Trust First, Then Second Chances Are Worth It

They are possible.

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I recently wrote an article about how crappy it felt to be ghosted. Don't get me wrong, I still hate remembering the feeling.

However, I recently got back in touch with the guy who ghosted me, and though I did not necessarily go into the conversation (that I started) with complete confidence that I would get the answers I sought, I do not at all regret going out on a limb to get those answers, much less what followed. You see, I decided to give us a second chance.

Now I know what you're probably thinking, if you read my article about ghosting. Why would you let him back into your life when he was so quick to leave it before? I've heard all the negative comments and the potential harm of it has swirled around my head enough times to know that at any time, something could go wrong. I've even spoken to him about it myself, exposing my vulnerability to the one who could, if he so chose, to exploit that vulnerability.

That's the thing though. I gave him the guidelines of being able to regain my trust and forgiveness: be there for me, tell me when something is wrong, just let me know I can trust you again, and spend time with me. He agreed wholeheartedly, and has since shown me that he will continue to do just that. I trust him not to take advantage of the forgiveness I've chosen to give him. He is a good person, who just made (in his own words) a mistake, that he won't repeat again.

We've seen each other way more than we had the chance to when we were together before-three times in the first week and one day, to be specific. We talk every single day through Facebook messenger and Snapchat, sometimes texting too, we've video chatted a couple times, and spent over an hour on the phone when we both need sleep on a few occasions, all in the span of two and a half weeks (bear in mind, he and I live an hour apart and we both have busy schedules with work and school, so for us, that's a lot). We talk about our issues if we have them, discussing our viewpoints and how each of us can help the other to understand if we have differing opinions on important things. We reassure each other if we need to, and communication is important to us. We make plans for dates, which reassures me that he wants to stick around for a while.

I know it's not always easy for someone to understand why anyone would take back someone who hurt them a little bit in the past. Honestly, if it had not been something I chose to do myself, I would still be of that opinion. I've realized that it's far more important to give someone a second chance if you believe that they either deserve it at the time or could be deserving of it after proving their trustworthiness. I believe he deserves the second shot I've given the relationship partially because he didn't believe that he did, or that I would forgive him at all. It showed me that he was apologetic and knew that hurting someone was wrong. It shows that he cares about making things right with me, and he shows that through his actions and his words every single day. He did not assume that I would be anything but angry at him, and he still gave me the benefit of the doubt when he read my message to him, and responded.

Even though the past hurt, the second time is better because we both know what it's like to be completely without the other, and we know it sucks, so we're working hard to both trust and be trustworthy again. It's fun to sort of pick up where we left off, and emerge stronger than before. He makes me happy, he makes me feel beautiful even when I don't think I am, and he is there for me, reassuring me that I can get through anything and he's always going to be there.

Second chances are worth giving, and he is worth giving the second chance to.

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A Letter To My Best Friend On Valentine's Day

Because you are my ultimate Valentine.
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To my beautiful best friend,

Warning: This letter is about to get extremely cheesy. I am talking four cheese lasagna cheesy. But no one deserves a love letter like this more than you do.

This Valentine’s Day, I want to express my love for you. On this wondrous occasion with which most people express their love to their significant other, I want to tell you, my best friend, how much I cherish our friendship.

SEE ALSO: A Valentine's Day Love Letter To My Girl Best Friends

You are the ultimate love of my life. Boys have come and gone but you remain a constant; for that I am grateful. You have been there for me when my family could not be; for that I am grateful. You have been my backbone, my rock, and all those other clichés people use to describe the people they care about, and yet you have been so much more than that as well; for that I am grateful.

All my love this Valentine’s Day goes out to you, my friend, because you do not receive it enough. You have picked me up out of the dirt, brushed me off, and kissed my wounds more times than I can count, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that, but I am sure am going to try.

Thank you for the midnight cries. Thank you for the midnight laughs. Thank you for ordering way too much food with me and still just eating it all. Thank you for the advice, both solicited and unsolicited. Thank you for telling me what I need to hear, even when it isn’t what I want to hear. Thank you for the silly pictures. Thank you for the stupid inside jokes. Thank you for making bad decisions with me. Thank you for laughing with me and laughing at me. Thank you for the endless memories.

SEE ALSO: An Open Letter to the Best Friend I've Ever Had

More than anything, I want you to know that I love you. I love you. You are the family I get to choose, the one I go to when I have nowhere else to turn. You are the one I know I can always run to, whether we saw each other yesterday or haven’t seen each other in a year. You have played a part in molding who I am as a person, and I am so grateful for having such an amazing person affecting my life in such a positive way.

With all the love in my heart,

Your friend
Cover Image Credit: https://www.facebook.com/natalie.pederson.5/photos

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Blood Doesn't Determine Family

Blended families are just as much of a family as a traditional one.

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If you look above, you can see that have a very large family on my mother's side. Between my grandparents, aunts and uncle, cousins and my own immediate family, we're at thirty-three members and counting. All branches of our family tree have busy lives, so we don't get to see each other as much as often as we would hope to. Christmas is the one time a year where we all finally get together for the evening. If you sat in on our holiday party, you may think that we have a couple screws loose, but there is no doubt that you would be able to feel the love radiating from room to room.

If you look at the picture I chose for my header, you can see all of the cousins gathered for our yearly picture. Dysfunctional, of course, but you can tell that love is there. Would it surprise you that out of our entire huge family, less than half of us are blood-related?

I come from a blended family, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Blood does not determine family to us. Love does.

Divorce can be a messy thing, especially when children are involved. Both my aunt and uncle had remarried into relationships that already had children. For the most part, none of us can really ever remember a time when we weren't considered family. We don't ever look at each other as not being related. We never will. Family to us is the love and support that is shared unconditionally between us.

As I said, you would never be able to tell we weren't blood-related unless I told you. Not only do we all look similar to one another (which again is odd, because if the marriages had never taken place, we would just have a ton of doppelgangers running around), but the love and passion that we radiate is unmistakable that we have a bond that will never be broken, let alone determined by biology.

Blended families tend to get a bad rap sometimes from some of the horror stories that can come from second marriages. Not only that, but some people still are stuck in the idea that the only socially acceptable type of family is one where the lineage is clear and concise. Although I can see where these people come from, I don't believe that because there is a lack of shared genetics between all of us, our love is any less strong.

Family is those who will answer a call or text late at night because you need someone to talk to. They're the ones that you end up staying at their house and talking for hours when you meant to make a quick trip in. They are there for you no matter the situation and always believe in you one hundred percent.

Traditional families have a lot of love too, undoubtedly. But please, do not tell me that my family is any less of a family of a family because of its makeup. We have just as much love between us as families with the same bloodline. Blood does not determine the amount of love and affection between all of us. It never will. We will love each other as much as a traditional family. We never look at each other as a mixed family, so please stop treating us as such.

I've said it so many times, but I'll remind you once more. Blood does not determine family, love does-- and I love my family more than life itself.

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