I'm about to start my senior year of college. It's exciting, finally finishing up school after so many years, but it's also somewhat nerve-wracking, mainly because I have no idea what I'm doing after graduation.
Well, saying I have no idea might be a bit too broad. There are only so many options it would seem. Job, grad school, etc. In theory all I have to do is pick one, but it seems like such a huge choice.
So when I say I have no idea what I'm doing, what I really mean is that I don't have definitive or specific plans. In my mind, my future is a sort of ambiguous blob of something that I can't picture clearly. It's like I'm squinting at it, but I'm not wearing my glasses, so I can't quite make it out. I sort of know what's there, and I could maybe describe it a bit, but ask me for details and I'll likely be stumped.
And I know I'm not alone in that. Being uncertain about the future is something of a staple for young people nowadays, especially since pressure to figure out what we're going to do has been on us since we were little. I remember being five years old and everyone asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had an answer then, but as the future looms nearer, I continually find that I don't have anything nearly as figured out as I would like to. And I think I finally understand partially why that is.
I never thought the future would actually come.
I've been planning that hazy far-off part of my life for so long that I didn't actually make any plans. I didn't think I would get that far, or that this time would ever actually come. I didn't prepare for it, because why prepare for something that isn't going to happen? Why plan right now for something that's years away and doesn't seem like a real possibility?
But now it is happening, and it's becoming more real, and it's getting scarier, and I'm blaming my past self for not realizing that I was actually going to make it to this point eventually. But I'm also realizing that it's ok that I didn't make any plans.
I know. Shocking. But really, it's ok not to have everything figured out.
I'm 21. Going by the average life expectancy of this country, I'm about one quarter of the way through. It doesn't really make sense that I should have the other three quarters planned out already. There shouldn't be as much pressure to do that as there is. Sure, I want to be successful in whatever I end up doing, follow my dreams, etc. But I've decided to not be too concerned about the planning at this point. I'm just trying to be happy and to find something that I actually care about. I figure if I can do that much, it'll be enough. And enough is good enough for me.