I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

I Have No Idea What I'm Doing

And that's ok.
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I'm about to start my senior year of college. It's exciting, finally finishing up school after so many years, but it's also somewhat nerve-wracking, mainly because I have no idea what I'm doing after graduation.

Well, saying I have no idea might be a bit too broad. There are only so many options it would seem. Job, grad school, etc. In theory all I have to do is pick one, but it seems like such a huge choice.

So when I say I have no idea what I'm doing, what I really mean is that I don't have definitive or specific plans. In my mind, my future is a sort of ambiguous blob of something that I can't picture clearly. It's like I'm squinting at it, but I'm not wearing my glasses, so I can't quite make it out. I sort of know what's there, and I could maybe describe it a bit, but ask me for details and I'll likely be stumped.

And I know I'm not alone in that. Being uncertain about the future is something of a staple for young people nowadays, especially since pressure to figure out what we're going to do has been on us since we were little. I remember being five years old and everyone asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had an answer then, but as the future looms nearer, I continually find that I don't have anything nearly as figured out as I would like to. And I think I finally understand partially why that is.

I never thought the future would actually come.

I've been planning that hazy far-off part of my life for so long that I didn't actually make any plans. I didn't think I would get that far, or that this time would ever actually come. I didn't prepare for it, because why prepare for something that isn't going to happen? Why plan right now for something that's years away and doesn't seem like a real possibility?

But now it is happening, and it's becoming more real, and it's getting scarier, and I'm blaming my past self for not realizing that I was actually going to make it to this point eventually. But I'm also realizing that it's ok that I didn't make any plans.

I know. Shocking. But really, it's ok not to have everything figured out.

I'm 21. Going by the average life expectancy of this country, I'm about one quarter of the way through. It doesn't really make sense that I should have the other three quarters planned out already. There shouldn't be as much pressure to do that as there is. Sure, I want to be successful in whatever I end up doing, follow my dreams, etc. But I've decided to not be too concerned about the planning at this point. I'm just trying to be happy and to find something that I actually care about. I figure if I can do that much, it'll be enough. And enough is good enough for me.

Cover Image Credit: Flickr Creative Commons

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If You've Ever Been Called Overly-Emotional Or Too Sensitive, This Is For You

Despite what they have told you, it's a gift.
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Emotional: a word used often nowadays to insult someone for their sensitivity towards a multitude of things.

If you cry happy tears, you're emotional. If you express (even if it's in a healthy way) that something is bothering you, you're sensitive. If your hormones are in a funk and you just happen to be sad one day, you're emotional AND sensitive.

Let me tell you something that goes against everything people have probably ever told you. Being emotional and being sensitive are very, very good things. It's a gift. Your ability to empathize, sympathize, and sensitize yourself to your own situation and to others' situations is a true gift that many people don't possess, therefore many people do not understand.

Never let someone's negativity toward this gift of yours get you down. We are all guilty of bashing something that is unfamiliar to us: something that is different. But take pride in knowing God granted this special gift to you because He believes you will use it to make a difference someday, somehow.

This gift of yours was meant to be utilized. It would not be a part of you if you were not meant to use it. Because of this gift, you will change someone's life someday. You might be the only person that takes a little extra time to listen to someone's struggle when the rest of the world turns their backs.

In a world where a six-figure income is a significant determinant in the career someone pursues, you might be one of the few who decides to donate your time for no income at all. You might be the first friend someone thinks to call when they get good news, simply because they know you will be happy for them. You might be an incredible mother who takes too much time to nurture and raise beautiful children who will one day change the world.

To feel everything with every single part of your being is a truly wonderful thing. You love harder. You smile bigger. You feel more. What a beautiful thing! Could you imagine being the opposite of these things? Insensitive and emotionless?? Both are unhealthy, both aren't nearly as satisfying, and neither will get you anywhere worth going in life.

Imagine how much richer your life is because you love other's so hard. It might mean more heartache, but the reward is always worth the risk. Imagine how much richer your life is because you are overly appreciative of the beauty a simple sunset brings. Imagine how much richer your life is because you can be moved to tears by the lessons of someone else's story.

Embrace every part of who you are and be just that 100%. There will be people who criticize you for the size of your heart. Feel sorry for them. There are people who are dishonest. There are people who are manipulative. There are people who are downright malicious. And the one thing people say to put you down is "you feel too much." Hmm...

Sounds like more of a compliment to me. Just sayin'.

Cover Image Credit: We Heart It

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To The High School Senior Nearing The End Of This Chapter, Feel Free To Look Back

Trust me, you're going to want to.

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Right now you can't wait to leave. You can't wait for that fresh start, new friends, independence… the list is never-ending. But coming from someone two years removed from high school, please take it all in. Take in those last goofy times in class. All those fun car rides in the middle of the night with your friends where you laugh so hard you cry. Spending all day long with the friends you've known your whole life… remember how it feels in your heart. Enjoy graduation and take lots of pictures. Remember to always remain in the moment during all of these events. Don't let anything ruin it for you. That carefree feeling you have right now and will continue to have this summer will pass whether you believe it or not. Adulthood crawls in quicker than you think…

You will be left with the memories of what was, never to see or speak to so many people you once genuinely had so much fun with. High school is such a unique experience and I believe many of us take it granted because it is a necessity. We look at it as a chore because of mundane things like it being boring and having to wake up so early. In the moment we fail to see how fun it actually was. It is often only afterward that we realize just what we really had in those 4 years. Admittedly, I never thought I missed much of anything about high school, and I especially never thought I would. But here I am, two years later and I'm just realizing how easy I had it. High school was hard, but when I say the real world is harder, please take my words to heart. I am a firm believer that high school, in general, is a massive bubble.

Not to say that the bubble is bad. But the bubble will break, and it's more jarring to some than others. So don't let it impact you in a negative way, be prepared for its impact and conquer it! My point is, know that high school is not supposed to be the best four years of your life, but it is a time of your life where most people have the least worries, and that is something you can't get back. Worries and stress are subjective, so of course, we all thought our lives were over multiple times in high school, but we shortly realized that was not the case.

Your last teenage years should be taken in stride. Don't wish them away for older age, enjoy them. You'll never get them back, so you might as well stay in the moment.

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