Ten years ago in August of 2006, my life was changed forever. I was rushed to the ER very sick, I didn't know what was wrong with me. I was scared, confused and upset. Ten years ago, 10-year-old little me sat in a hospital bed with my parents and received life changing news.
"I'm sorry, your daughter has type 2 diabetes".
I remember my mom was crying and I can still see the look of horror in my dad's eyes. I didn't understand, I thought that meant I was going to die. I didn't know any better, I was little. That day changed my family's lives forever.
I spent two weeks in the hospital. I went for a tremendous amount of tests and blood work and had to see a nutritionist every day. I wasn't allowed to go home until I learned how to check my own blood sugars. It was a long, emotional and frustrating two weeks.
It only got harder once I was released from the hospital. I had to check my sugars three to four times a day, along with my blood pressure. I had to take my pills, and write down all my numbers and everything I ate that day, all day, everyday. I had to always talk about my diabetes too, which I hated to do. Not to mention going to the doctors three times a month. This happened every day for years. It may not sound like much, but to me, even to this day, it was a lot for any 10-year-old.
I would always hear "It's so much easier for kids with diabetes. You have control, you have it easy." Let me tell you something, those people are wrong. It was not easier and it's still not easy! It's a living hell.
Living with diabetes is not easy, no matter what age you are. Since I was little I always felt like the odd one out - almost like I wasn't normal. I'm 20-years-old now and I still feel the same way. Can you blame me? All your friends are going out, eating whatever they want not having a care in the world, while you sit there and have to control yourself so you don't get sick, or having to sneak away from everyone so you can go check your blood sugars and take your medicine. I always found it embarrassing. So much so that I never told anyone, not even my closest friends. To this day, a majority of my friends still don't know I'm a diabetic.
Growing up, diabetes always got the best of me. It controlled me. There came a point in my life where I just gave up. I stopped caring, I stopped trying. I refused to go to doctors, I ate whatever I wanted, I didn't check my sugars or take my medicine. I wanted to be "normal" . I simply gave up. My parents tried for years to get me back to my routine, but I pushed them away. Eventually they gave up too. I don't blame them, I brought it upon myself.
It wasn't until the last six months that I got my act together. I was hospitalized four times for health problems that I had suffering from diabetes. My diabetes led to having high blood pressure, gastroparesis and other problems, all because I stopped taking care of myself. I made myself worse and now there's no going back.
I was depressed for the longest time about how sick I have become, but something happened. I woke up one morning, I looked in the mirror and said "No! Diabetes will not win. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever." I am a person. Diabetes doesn't define who I am.
Diabetes does not make me who I am today.
If you have diabetes, and it doesn't matter how old you are, know that it will never be easy. There will be days when the diabetes gets hard. There will be days when you feel so sick that you don't want to do anything. There will be days that you want to give up. DO NOT GIVE UP. Do not let diabetes run your life, don't let it take control of you.
You can fight it and you will get better! You will over come it!
Diabetes is and always will be part of my life. There is no cure, and there is no going back. It's the devil on my shoulder. But, I won't let it win.
I will not let it take control.
I will not let it define me.
I am strong.
I have diabetes, diabetes doesn't have me.
