As an overwhelmed college student who spends leisure time staring at menus on Yelp for thirty minutes, I sometimes have trouble finding my true purpose in this fast-paced and intimidating world. So I take to my computer and attempt a plethora of personality tests on BuzzFeed to find out which type of car tire compliments my personality or to see if my favorite flavor of ice cream can determine why I can't cope with the fact that I have relationship issues.

As this goes on, I wonder if there's a better way to find out who I am and what's my purpose in this world. So I look up into the heavens and remember the epitome of personality categorization! The ever so great Zodiac, a tool used by the stars to determine things from possible career choices, to help explain why you and your crush aren't compatible due to her Mercury being in her Sagittarius phase. But I digress because I came to realize that though somewhat accurate, my zodiac sign is pretty lame and that I would like to express these grievances mostly because my Venus is furious with Saturn because Saturn was caught looking at Jupiter in a very scandalous way...

1. The name of the sign

Cancer! Yes, I know it doesn't correlate with the actual terminal illness, but it's still a drag. It's an easy segue for stupid jokes that insult the actual illness and can sometimes overshadow the journey of learning about the weird relationship the planets have with our emotions. Let's go by a different name like "Arbys" instead!

2. Animal/representation of the sign

A crab? Really? Okay, the crab and cancer(illness) do coincide due to a similar visual appearance of the disease which is spread out in branch-like waves that in a very slight way resembles a crab. But regular crabs are small and have abnormal claws. Why not something cooler like a Snapping Turtle? It has a shell to cower away in fear, which for some reason is a common theme in the zodiac world for Cancer, but we'll touch on that later.

3. The symbol

I would kindly like to direct your attention to the image above. In a perfect world, this wouldn't be an issue and people who have this sign wouldn't have to hear this unfortunate comparison(gross). But it is hard to ignore the symbol and its ugly alter-ego, so I took the liberty to propose a new symbol for this sign. "#". Yes! The hashtag, or pound key for my older readers, is the perfect symbol for the Cancer zodiac because of the use that makes it proceed an infinite amount of unpredictable words, sort of like us Cancers who could say anything at any time.

4. Supposed traits

We all have our strengths and weaknesses but some of the traits given for the Cancer sign are not really accurate. The most popular trait that people associate with the Cancer sign is that the sign is very moody and that we can't seem to grasp ourselves emotionally. I personally think we all have that one thing in our lives that can make our mood swing shift in a drastic way. Some traits also correlate with the whole crab thing, how Cancers resort to their "shell" when threatened or intimidated. I personally don't get intimidated, I just sit quietly and wonder if the Jonas Brothers are getting back together.

5. Compatibility with other signs

Personally, I don't like restrictions and I especially don't like it when I'm being told by the heavens I shouldn't ask out that one Starbucks barista with the hair. We could be somewhat open people, giving people the benefit of the doubt when they enter our lives. But in reality people are attracted to different things, so let's drop the whole compatibility thing overall because Starbucks barista chick is the Venti of my soul.

6. Celebrities born under the sign

This is obviously not in my control. As a matter of fact, this is the best part about zodiac signs: seeing who in the heights of luxury and fame share the sign and visions as you. The only downside is that they set the bar so high that you're temporarily a blip on the radar. I say temporarily because of the fact that I have faith in your abilities to prosper and follow your dreams to make it big. But celebs like Kevin Hart can soak up the sign's fame or even worse...take all of mine. And also technically, The United States of America was born under the Cancer sign, so try sharing traits with a country.

7. Maybe a little too accurate

Okay, I know it kind of defeats the purpose of the zodiac, but hear me out. The things written about the sign is too accurate and kind of uncomfortable. In my quest for finding out my place in this world, I find myself questioning my self-awareness and ability to recognize how I feel about life situations. I just want a straight answer. But on the bright side, according to my sign, I'm psychic when it comes to reading other's emotions!

8. Other signs are cooler

Aries, Scorpio, and even bleeping Gemini all come off as signs with the more clout than Cancer. Unfortunately, Cancer is just merely underrated and will soon dominate the planet due to our ability to hide in secrecy and our ability to shock the world with our wit. But for now, Aquarius is living it up on the metaphorical zodiac party bus

9. The constellation itself

I'm not gonna harp too much on this because I understand that maybe there is a chance that in the past, an astrologist was running late for a night out with the boys and quickly connected five dots and called it a night. In illustrations, the crab is very detailed because the constellation doesn't really resemble a crab nor the symbol itself. It looks like a coat hanger having a bad hair day but I'll tolerate it for now.

10. It's kind of growing on me

I'm starting to see that even with my harsh criticism and my terrible sense of humor that this sign doesn't deserve this much hate. Though my quest to find my true purpose is honestly a never-ending process, I feel the astrological connection between me and the stars. Is it a positive one? Probably not, but if I need to reference someone for how I'm feeling; then yes. I will go the extra mile to suggest that the reason I'm refusing to add you back on Snapchat is that my Jupiter just moved out of his parent's house, and he is set on creating a start-up company in Tucson, AZ.

I understand that the zodiac for some people is a way to get through life and a form of stability. And I'm not bashing the zodiac at all either, just my sign because I find myself being very petty towarss the wrong things in my life. As I conclude, this is really a way of showing my envy and admiration of those who have a goal in life and will dedicate their heart and soul to make it a reality. I hope I could be like you someday; but for now, I'm going to take more test on BuzzFeed.