I’m sitting here, beginning to write this article even though I already know that I am going to be cringing when I read it later. I really hate writing, but it’s something that I need to do. You see, I’m one of those over-dramatic, emotional people who has so many thoughts that writing them down is the only way to settle down. When I need to write, I really need to write. One time I searched frantically around my friend’s dorm room at 3 a.m. just to find a pen to write with. Granted, I ended up writing on the back of my friend’s homework assignment and the pen I found was in the corner of the bathroom, but I truly wouldn’t be able to sleep unless I could write what was going on in my head.
I don’t consider myself a good writer. Actually, I’m not a writer by any means. I don’t think that there is anything special about my writing. I just write. Most of the time, I struggle with getting my point across. Everything that I have to say makes a lot more sense in my head and getting in down into words just doesn’t happen sometimes.
I’ve kept two journals over the past two years. My writing in it is very sporadic. There will be a month when I will write everyday, then I suddenly won’t write for two or three months. The writers who have made it suggest writing at least once a day.
I’m not a creative person, but I think and feel a lot. I can’t paint or write music so instead I put my mediocre writing skills to the test. It’s been one of the biggest forms of therapy for myself. There is a part of me that dreads sharing an article online each week because I’m nervous about people actually reading my writing. I know it’s not that great, trust me. Even though I find myself being very open with my writing online, there are still very few people that I’ll share my deeper entries with. I wish that it didn’t all feel so sentimental or dramatic, but like I said, I’m a dramatic person. Maybe writing is supposed to be dramatic. I don’t know. All I know is that it’s driving me nuts that I used the word “dramatic” three times in two sentences.
As much as I claim to hate writing, I love it. I love trying to process my thoughts down on paper. It is the actual feeling of writing that I love as well. I despise writing in pencil and prefer to write in a super inky pen. I can go into a whole spiel about how a pen is more pleasing to write with or how I hate pencils because it’s so easy to erase something, but I’ll spare you of those details. Plus I have a deadline that I’m trying to finish this by.
To the point of this, yes, I do sit around in my room, scribbling in a little journal with a vinyl of The Smiths playing in the background, being all emotional and writing about my feelings. I hate thinking of myself writing in that way, but that’s me and that’s how I write. It's very much a love-hate relationship.
