I do, I hate that I changed myself for you. I don’t hate myself, I just hate the fact that I let myself get so far away from who I am because of you. I don’t hate much, just birds and banana milk. I don’t even hate you, just the fact that I was so blinded that I didn’t see what was happening to myself.
My time was probably the first to go. I poured myself, heart, and soul into you. Spent all my time with you, and when I wasn’t with you, I was thinking about you. You were all I would talk about to my family and friends, and I am sad to think that I probably talked about you more than I let them talk about themselves and share their own problems. You were all I thought about, morning, noon, and night. I really just couldn’t get you off my mind.
Next was probably my attitude. The more time I spent with you, the more I adopted your little quirks and characteristics. I thought my sassy tone of voice was funny because I laughed when you did it, but I bet my mom didn’t like it. I began to talk like you talked, little phrases you often said entering my everyday language. I couldn’t carry on a conversation without saying something like you.
I also started to snap at people and just lose my patience. Being with you constantly was exhausting, and I didn’t have time for anything else. My friends went to the back burner, and my family became distant. All I talked about with anyone was you. I am sure they were sick of it. I feel so ashamed that I treated those I love like I did, that isn’t who I am.
You were like an ice cream cone and I was someone who is lactose intolerant. I wanted the ice cream cone so badly, and it tasted so good, but the consequences were not worth it. I really thought I loved you at first, but unfortunately, that was just a figment of my imagination.
It has taken me a lot to get over you, but I am. I am picking up the pieces of myself that you tore down and left scattered. Slowly but surely, I will get back to where I was. A happy girl with a world of opportunities ahead of her. God bless my faithful friends and family who stood by me through it all and put up with me when I fell.
Lastly, I want to thank you. Even though you caused my so much grief and harm, without you I wouldn’t have known what that was like. I came out stronger and a better person. Going through grief and heartache has taught me many lessons, but the most important is that I have been made for greatness. Greatness was not when I was with you, miserable, but hanging onto the false hope of love and praise. Greatness is me now, accepting defeat and reaching a hand up to those that support me and continuing to move forward to bigger and better things, not you.