For as long as I can remember I have hated school. It didn't matter how old I was or what grade I was in; I have always resisted going back to school. I am now a rising sophomore in college and the feelings have not changed at all. If anything, my feelings toward school have become more and more negative over the years. The work just gets more difficult as you get older and the responsibilities and exceptions grow as well. The end of August is awful for me! All the back to school commercials, stores filled with school supplies and just knowing that school is right around the corner makes me sick. Going back to school stresses me out and makes me extremely anxious. I am a creature of habit and hate any type of change so having to readjust my lifestyle to do something I don't want to do is extra difficult.
I have learned one of the main reasons I hate school is because I am afraid of growing up. I have self-diagnosed myself with PeterPan Syndrome. I have absolutely no interest in getting any older. I don't know how to be an adult or even a young adult for that matter. I just want to be a kid or a teenager forever. Getting a real adult job? No thank you. Do you see yourself getting married in the next ten years? NO! Do you want kids one day? I don't know! I can't even take care of myself let alone another human! I just want to stay the age I am and enjoy my life.
I am living in an apartment this year, so that means cooking, cleaning, laundry, taking out the trash, having an electricity bill and so many more things that I don't understand. Don't get me wrong I am excited to live in an apartment and decorate it and have my own room. However, it's everything that goes along with the apartment that scares me. This is the last summer that I am officially living at home because after this, I will have an apartment I can stay in during the summer. The fact that I am living in this apartment in order to go to school makes it even harder to be excited about it. People always tell me not to think about it, but how can I not? It's my life!
I have struggled in school my entire life. When I was little I couldn't read to save my life. I couldn't confidently read until the middle of the third grade. That's really late! Spelling tests used to be my greatest enemy and all of my life math has been my kryptonite. Math and I do not mix and I have never had an easy time with it. Of course struggling in school makes me not excited to attend. Everyday seems to bring new challenges.
It is hard to explain how I feel about school. Because I want it to end and be done with, but that means growing up and I don't want that! I keep waiting for this hatred of school to go away and for this fear of growing up to become less daunting, but it hasn't. Of course, I will keep plugging along and continue hoping that my feelings toward school and growing up change. For now all I can do is go with it and live my life. So if you feel like you're the only person that despises school and has no interest in picking out a China pattern for your house anytime soon, don't you worry! You're not alone. I will be in Neverland if you need me!
