DISCLAIMER: Before frat guys, dads, and middle-schoolers armed with way too much AXE body spray come banging down my door, let me say that I do appreciate some Adam Sandler movies. Among others, "The Wedding Singer", "Airheads", "Eight Crazy Nights", as well as Adam Sandler’s classic holiday tune, “The Hanukkah Song.” I also appreciate stupid movies of actors associated with Adam Sandler. Kevin James, for example, is literally my favorite actor of all time and I will see anything at all that he is in based on sheer devotion alone (even "Zookeeper") He is, I’m pretty sure, best friends with Adam Sandler and even if Sandler is in one of James’ films, I will stomach it for the sake of Doug Heffernan (James’ role on the iconic “King of Queens”)

...#lovewins I guess?

But enough explaining myself, like I said in the title, I hate Adam Sandler. Every time I click on Netflix and the banner for 1999’s garbage Big Daddy is shoved in my face all I can do is say to myself “who let this happen?” and weep for movies in general. It’s not just his dumb-looking face trying to convince the audience that Winona Ryder, Drew Barrymore, Salma Hayek (twice), Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Marisa Tomei, Keri Russell, Kate Beckinsale, Brooklyn Denner, or Drew Barrymore (FOR THE THIRD TIME) would actually be interested in his at-best mediocre (if not flat out awful) characters. It’s not just the fact that the movies literally make people want to gouge their own eyes out. Case in point, Sandler’s film "Jack and Jill" is the first (and only) film to ever win every category at the Golden Raspberry Awards, which is an award ceremony for honoring the worst movies of that year. It’s not just that nearly every one of his movies features some sort of outrageously racist trope character (usually played by Rob Schneider) That in and of itself is another article entirely, but I’m sure Sandler’s true intentions are far from racist; so I’ll move on. It’s not even because of that hellish, jarring voice he uses (you know the one I’m talking about) that I’m pretty sure only David Spade thinks is funny.

Would you honestly trust this man?

What it is that I hate so much about Adam Sandler and what he stands for is the fact that every movie he makes is a worthless pile of dog crap, but NOBODY HAS YET TO STOP HIM. In the 1990s, Adam Sandler movies were actually funny and were at least a little original. Now, on the other hand, Sandler seems to be making a movie every six months and they just get worse and worse. If I start listing the worst ones, we’ll be here all night and will also most likely eventually develop substance abuse problems. The movies get more and more predictable and the powers that be have just…let it happen, I guess? A huge lot of his movies are commercial and critical failures, clear indicators that people just aren’t enjoying him anymore and yet he’s still making them? Does he not realize that they suck? Can Adam Sandler honestly see that "That’s My Boy" is on TBS and think to himself “Hey, I’m truly proud of my effort in this film where I was both the star and an executive producer!” If he can, maybe Billy Madison wasn’t an act and we should just leave him alone. If he doesn’t, that just further fuels my fiery hatred. The sheer arrogance of this man! Knowing that his movies are pure torture to the general populace and still spitting them out one right after the other! And people play along! Netflix has signed on to produce FOUR ADAM SANDLER MOVIES IN THE NEXT YEAR. FOUR. FOUR. FOUR. In 2015 and 2016, as far as I know, there are at least six Adam Sandler movies set to come out either in theaters or on Netflix. If this does not signify the end of days, I truly do not know what does. All I can end this with is that I never thought I would say that I envy Bob Barker, but I do.

P.S. Nobody bought that Reese Witherspoon was your mom in Little Nicky. Nobody.

God is dead and we killed him

REMINDER: This is a humor ~*opinion*~ article and is not meant to be taken very seriously. Remember that in your comments, Adam.