Dear Mom,

Today marks seven years since I last saw you.

I woke up seven years ago on Mother's Day without you mom, and it truly does still sting.

I cannot explain how much I miss you, somedays are good and somedays are so bad it hurts to put on a smile.

Though I can only imagine how happy you must be to be free from pain, and watching over everyone you love and care for down here.

I hope heaven is everything you can imagine mom, I hope heaven is filled with love, happiness and everything you could want.

This Mother's Day I wanted to write you a letter and tell you how much your passing has not only given me strength, but a different take on life.

March 31st, 2000- Day I was born

I remember like it was yesterday I was walking into your hospital room in the middle of the night, having to say goodbye to you. I kept thinking there must be something the doctors could do, there must be something. What killed me was that I never actually got to say goodbye to you, the doctors said you had already fallen asleep. The next day on Mother's Day, as we should have been making breakfast for you in bed, I was watching dad call family and friends to them the heartbreaking news. If there is one thing that is true, it is a different kind of heart break when you loose a parent.

I never imagined life without you, I always thought that one day you would get better and the cancer would go away. I remember the day you told Elizabeth and I the evil cancer had came back after being cancer free for a while. I remember when you told our neighbor Anne, I watched you cry into her arms as I stood playing in the background with our neighbors.

When the hard days hit, I think to myself what would life be like if you were still here? I think about all the memories we have together; all the rides together at Disney World, the family trips to Hampton, our walks up to Marlyous, and so much more. Then I start to think about all the memories we could be making now if you were still here; watching me graduate, watching me get married, meeting your grandchildren for the first time, and so much more I wish you could have stayed for.

Some days I wake up and I hate this world, I do not understand why it was you that had to be taken away from your family. Especially how a mother who devoted all her love and time to her two daughters, was taken on Mother's Day weekend at such a young age. I do not understand why bad things like this happen to such great people like you mom.

Mom, Elizabeth and I - 2005

If there is one thing I got out from all the bad times of watching you come home sick from the hospital, being woken up in the middle of the night from hearing you become sick from the chemo, watching you loose so much weight, it's that you were so strong. Through it all, even at the end when it was so hard for you to walk, you still made sure Elizabeth and I were living a happy life like any kid should. That I cannot thank you enough for mom. You still woke up everyday and gave me kiss and a "I love you" as I left for school each morning. It truly did break my heart to see what the chemo and drugs did to you day after day coming home from the hospital. How you pushed yourself through all that pain and exhausting never ending hours at the hospital. I honestly have no idea how you did it. You always put your family first, and I will always admire you so much for that.I hope to be just as of a great, caring, loving mom someday as you were to Elizabeth and I.

Even when fighting the cancer you never lost your sparkle. You still knew how to put a smile on your face, you acted if nothing was wrong, as if you were never sick. I always find myself end up thinking the way you would want me to live the life like you did; live life fearlessly, enthusiastically, and optimistically. Every morning I try to wake up with a positive outlook on life, I try to live my life so fearlessly and optimistically because if there is one thing I got from your passing, it is that tomorrow is never promised.

First day of school- Sept 2010

Sometimes when I talk, or even some of my actions remind me of the five foot two spit fire you were and I see your personality shine through me. Even when I went to a medium for the first time, the lady told me you and I have the same kind of energy. I love that, those are my favorite moments when I know if you were still here you would be just as happy for me to prove a person wrong as you would have. Always sticking up for myself, and putting people in there place as you would mom. I love when people remind me with stories of you because it feels as if you are still here, like nothing happened. People always tell me I got your dimples, and I can totally see it, they beam just like yours did.

Mom and friend Joanne- 2011

Every year that goes by without you, I feel like apart of me grows because I look at life in such a different way now. I look at life as, you do only live once. Do not hold back, do what you want to do, live life to the absolute fullest and love life with all of you heart. Most importantly do not take the people you love in your life for granted, because god will want them back some day.

Every time I see my friends or even stranger's talking about how "annoying their mom is" or how much they say they hate them in that moment because they got into a argument, I want to tell them to enjoy it now. Enjoy the hug you can give her, enjoy the calls you get everyday wondering how you are, enjoy the constant text's at ten at night asking what you are doing because one day they will be gone. One day they will be gone and all you can wish for is just for one more text.

I would do anything in this world to have you back down here with me and have everything back to the way it used to be. Though I know you are with me everyday. I knew you are with me the day I graduated high school, every field hockey game I have ever played, every Christmas party we have at Auntie Di's house, etc.

There isn't a day that goes by I do not think of you or at least receive a sign from heaven I know that is from you. You were stubborn and refused to give up till the very end of your battle, I know you wanted to stay momma, we all knew you did.

My first tattoo I got for my 18th Birthday, with my moms handwriting

You will always be apart of me no matter what.

I wish I was giving you hugs and flowers today mom.

Thank you for the strength and persistence you give me to continue on each day with a smile, you will forever be my mom even if we are not together for now.

Happy Mother's Day Mom. XOXO

Love you forever and always,

Sisi <3