When asked what we want in life, at the end of the day most say they want to be happy. Of course, how could you not want to be? True and pure happiness is a feeling everyone wishes to experience. However, people differ in what exactly they equate happiness with. Is it money? Success? Love? Independence? Freedom? Perhaps it's all of the above. Everyone has a different idea as to what they believe will bring them true joy.
We spend so much of our lives working towards this grand idea of constant happiness. That's why we get a college degree, right? So that we can one day hold a job that makes us happy through what we are doing, or the money we are making. At the end of the road, happiness is our destination. We are simply taking the steps to get there.
At least, that's what I believed until recently.
If happiness is a destination, a goal, something we work towards, then what happens when that path changes? What happens when everything you thought you needed to be happy is taken away from you?
My idea of happiness used to consist of spending time with family, having lots of good friends, having money to spend on the things I enjoy and finding love. Then my life changed drastically.
My mom, and best friend, was wrongly convicted of embezzlement and sentenced to 14+ years in prison with a possibility of getting out after 4 years. In the months of devastating legal battles leading up to this conviction, we lost our beloved family dog, lost an uncle to cancer, lost significant amounts of money and watched my cousin be diagnosed and fight brain cancer. I watched my mom fall into horrible depression and suffer from post traumatic stress disorder. I sat next to my sister in a hospital bed after she attempted to commit suicide because of all the pain she was enduring. I've watched her continue to struggle with depression, anxiety, insomnia, PTSD and autism. Because of our worsening financial situation, I transferred schools so I could receive in-state tuition, losing the opportunity to get my degree from my dream school. I lost a lot of friends. I also found myself in a relationship that slowly became more of a burden for the both of us and I ultimately fell out of love with him.
Needless to say, my entire view on happiness has changed.
If happiness is something you work towards, something that you feel will eventually become a part of your life, then you will never get there. Shit happens. Life is going to throw rocks and boulders and tsunamis at you. If you rely on your path going smoothly in order to reach this idea of happiness, you will be constantly disappointed. I was. I felt like the world didn't want me to find happiness, that it wanted to make my life miserable. I thought I had to wait around for the silver lining that would lead me to a happier life. But I had to realize, that's not how it works. What matters is the outlook you have along the way, and how you deal with what is thrown at you.
After so much heartache, heartbreak and constant sadness, I found myself making this discovery. I can still be happy amidst all the pain and suffering. Happiness is ALWAYS an option, if you let it be. In the end, it's a choice you make. You will still have moments... I know I do. But in the end... you choose to see the good. You choose to find the small things in each day that bring you joy. I find it in how I spend my days. I decided to fight, to love unconditionally, to help others. Those are the things that are in my control no matter what, and those are the things that bring me peace of mind and true happiness.
This recent realization has changed my life for the better. Nothing has changed for me circumstantially, but so much has changed for me mentally. Shifting my mindset has now enabled me to seize each day for what it is, and I don't care how cliché that sounds. Because seizing each day is now enabling me to get up, to fight, to help others and to seek justice. I will continue fighting and sharing this message with as many people that I can, especially those experiencing difficult times. You can choose happiness. It is always possible. The choice is yours, you just have to find the strength.
