The best life advice I've ever received was from a mentor of mine when I was in tenth grade. These were my bleakest days when I saw life as nothing but a meaningless burden, and you can easily imagine the kind of personality I had at the time.

This mentor of mine, Susan*, had my mentor group peers and me "bid" for different values that were written on a board — laughter, adventure, love, music, and so on. It was all fun and games until we ran out of "money" and Susan dropped what was the most difficult question I ever had to answer at the time: are these your values?

I'll be honest, I was stunned for a moment. I believe everyone has some inkling of what's most important to them, but saying them aloud and acknowledging them in the full is a different story. I, for one, have never stopped to think about what my life values were, but I knew the words I held in my hand were not them.

In retrospect, those words reflected more of the person I was trying to be rather than who I was. Spontaneity, adventure, and independence were just a few I remember. Though I do strive to keep these in my life to some degree, they are not the core of who I am but a sliver.

Susan then asked us all if we were living our lives according to our values. Another bombshell question.

Much of my sophomore year is a hazy blur, but I can recall with poignant clarity the lack of enthusiasm I had for anything and everything. Something in my life wasn't working for me, and so began my quest to understand myself better. Over time, my list has grown to include intimacy, loyalty, friendship, kindness, empathy, purity, grace, and education.

With the exception of a handful of people, I have since surrounded myself with people who I would be proud to be if I were them. I am the only person who has to live whatever decisions I make, so I learned to respect myself enough to cut out any toxicity.

For a long while, I almost felt ashamed for living by this new philosophy. I worried it made me selfish to be primarily concerned about myself. I realize now that caring for myself isn't selfish at all — it's the healthy and smart thing to do. My job isn't to coddle the emotions of others, and just because we have a history doesn't mean we have to have a future. If I am negatively affected by a person's presence in my life, I'm allowed to leave with no guilt.

I still go through ups and downs in life, but today, at this moment, I am the highest I've ever been because I listened to what I really needed. I sought out things that would fulfill me, and my perspective on life has shifted as a result.

The person I was three years ago is completely different from who I am today. I am full of life now, and I try to see everything as both beautiful and magical. All my close friends are "darling" or "love" now because why hide the fact that I care about them?

If you're an important person in my life, I won't be ashamed or embarrassed to tell you, and that's why I have formed such deep relationships with people this semester. I recognized my value for intimacy and I structured my life around it.

* Name changed for privacy.