I will admit that I am pretty good at writing open letters.
I will admit that this is going to be another open letter, and I know that writing this is simply easy, but unlike any of the others, it's going to be VERY hard to publish.
Awhile back, I wrote an article titled "The woman I wish I was" and this letter is going to tie into that.
If I wrote an open letter what would I say to you? That question is ringing in my head as Granger Smiths Happens like that is playing.
Theres actually a million and ten things I could say when I am talking about you, such as, how your smile lights up the room, and how easily I get lost in your baby blue eyes, but when it comes to the realization I made today, how there will probably never be a you and i, and I try to think of something to say, there's really nothing that comes to mind, because I never saw this day coming.
I never say you telling me to "please just stay out of my life" on Wednesday April 12th, 2017 at exactly 4:46pm. Yeah I kept all the text messages, but honestly I didn't even need to go back and look for the time and date, I can remember it off the top of my head, because worst day of my life, and well the best one was meeting you February 8th, 2015, at 11:12am.
I have ran, I have hid my feelings because I just thought that liking you was wrong, I used to believe that I shouldn't allow my feelings to be expressed, I used to think I could make them disappear like I am some wizard, but I will be the first to tell you that I have tried everything there is to help get over you and honestly none of it works.
Damn it, it's always been you, and it will always be you, and you're too much of a douche to see that or even care.
Honestly, the day I met you I knew you were different, I saw me falling for you.
What really feels like hell is loving someone who doesn't give a damn.
I won't say that I regret meeting you because i don't.
I won't say I hate you, because I don't.
All I ever wanted was one fucking chance to love you unconditionally, and to spoil the hell out of you and give you everything your heart desires. I wanted to love you with a selfless kind of love, I want to show you what it's like to be loved by someone who doesn't want anything in return, I wanted to prove to you who I truly am.
Guess that will never happen, because you will never let it, I am 5 seconds away from spelling out your name in this article, but instead I will just call ya a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy with the crooked smile, now don't deny who you are, because it's you. I honestly want to go into so much more detail, but I don't want to be contacted by anyone except maybe you, but honestly I shouldn't give a damn, but for once I actually do.
I will have you know that I have never met anyone in my life who has been able to make my restless soul, rest. Someone who can calm my soul, someone who makes everything go away, someone who makes everything I have ever been through finally feel like it is okay, someone who just makes it stop.
The way that you make me feel? I honestly can't even describe it. It honestly terrifies me because I love you in ways that I never even dreamed were possible.
I will let you know that this is to be continued, but for now, my heart can't take anymore, I am a strong independent person, but this is actually able to make me cry a river, and well I need to go gather myself and get ready for the round two open letter, but I am gonna love you forever, and I hope you come to a realization, and that maybe just maybe you will actually care. You see each time you texted me and I asked to call or meet up, I was going to reveal everything, but you will never allow me to call.
Drunk or sober, I will always love you, there's no changing that.
It will always be you.
Yes, I will always have hope and faith for the future.