A twenty-something’s timeline is probably one of the messiest things on the planet. Within the span of a few years, presumably, you’re finishing up school, going out more steadily, getting your own place, and starting your career.
But along with these newfound freedoms, there are some caveats. Aside from the responsibility that pairs with your independence, there’s this strange phenomenon all people go through at some point or another: Your parents start to turn into friends.
Hear me out before you fire up your keyboard with a long-winded speech on how you’ve always been friends with your parents, or how your mom is your BFF or your dad is your best drinking buddy, it’s different.
According to Louis C.K., the hardest part of having children is, “Being with them on the floor while they be children…They read ‘Clifford the Big Red Dog’ to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time.”
Our parents spent an extraordinary amount of time molding and shaping us, back when we could only speak two words at a time; it’s only natural that they’d like to see how they can relate to you now that you’re a fully formed person with ideas and opinions.
Peeking behind the curtain
There comes a point when you start to see your parents as people—mom and dad become Steve and Janice (these seem like parent names), and with that earth shattering revelation you can now fully appreciate them, flaws and all.
You recall moments from your childhood, but instead of looking back on how cool your tree house was, you see your father who’s terrified of heights climb that 20-foot ladder to build it. You remember staying home from school while you had a fever realizing you definitely gave it to your mom, who then had to take care of you and now herself.
On a subconscious level, we always knew these things, but as we get older we can now fully grasp these situations.
Asking your parents for advice is nothing new, but now you ask them knowing they don’t have all the answers and it gives both of you a sense of relief.
Being friends
As with all friendships you check in with your parents, make sure they’re okay, something you never used to do. If they’re single it may seem awkward at first, but you talk about dating life and give each other advice regularly, you may even be on the lookout for a partner for them because at the end of the day you want to see them happy.
But maintaining balance is extremely important, because before they were your friends, they are and will always be your parents first. You can’t just casually bring up problems you’re facing in your day-to-day life and get surprised when they won’t let it go until they hear you have the tiniest sense of a solution.
It’s also your job to not hold your childhood against them. Nobody goes through life with a script, and the thing about life is everyone continually grows, learns, and evolves in their own way. So maybe they made some mistakes while raising you, but chances are, if you choose to have kids, they’ll be the first people you run to with questions.
Handling it
Legally, once you turn 18 your parents have no obligations towards you, anything beyond that is just socializing, but very rarely is that ever the case. Even if you go through rough patches, family bonds don’t break easily, even if sometimes we have to love them from a distance. They were your first teachers, they are your link to the past, and in the simplest terms, they’re your friends who just happen to have a 30-odd year head start.
