Thus, school begins. As college students meander into class with their heavy backpacks full of textbooks and Kleenex, one is taken aback by the indistinguishable aura of students experiencing what's known as "back-to-school syndrome." This seasonal disease plagues nearly every student - and it hits harder than allergies. Symptoms include tears, crying, sobbing, and bawling. Yes. It's that time of year again. The time of year for an end to summer's freedoms and the beginning of a new season of opportunity, hard work, late nights, and wet cheeks. But fret not, dear friends. There are plenty of ways to fight the battle against this tearful, insomniatic mayhem.
1. Use the back of your hand to quickly wipe up those pesky tears.
Your professor needs to know that you're a high-functioning wreck. If you start crying in front of him or her, what will they think of you the rest of the semester? They'll think you're too weak to write their ten-page due-the-next-day reports, and you're not. You're a fighter. So flick those tears right off your face and grin sheepishly at authority like the rest of your struggling peers.
2. Keep a pack of tissues handy.
College students are great at many things. Running away from our problems while simultaneously busting open a flimsy pack of napkins happens to be one of them. What else are you supposed to do when you're mid-cry in the commons and you see the professor whose class you skipped that day? ABORT. You grab your stuff and run like you're supposed to, and you reach behind you for your tissues like Mama Odom taught you.
3. Sham-Wow?
Why not? Super absorbent. Great for inevitable weekly breakdowns. Soft enough to use as a small head support as you drift off into a sad, sad slumber.
4. Don't cry.
Well, try not to cry all the time. College is an amazing time if that's what you make it. Each school year is a brand new chance to discover who you are, what you want to do, and who want to become. It's new professors and classmates. It's new subjects and information that you'll carry with you for years. Sure, it's hard. Hard enough to have you spending most of your time in the fetal position. Even still, you'd be lying to yourself if you said you weren't just a bit excited to get back to school. Each year is an adventure - a journey with highs and (seemingly super low) lows - but adversity is truly what makes a man wise. (And then when you realize that you're spending nearly $100,000 to do it, you'll most likely cry again. But worry not. For you are now equipped with all the plans you need to combat the back-to-school tears.)
So stand strong, fellow school soldier. As long as we continue to support each other in the school community, there's no obstacle that can't be overcome. Heed the wise advice of popular seventies rock band Kansas:
Carry on my wayward son [you're paying a lot of money for this],
There'll be peace when you are done [unless you don't find a job].
Lay your weary head to rest [on a library desk],
Don't you cry no more [without proper equipment].
