18+

Body hair. That’s right. Since about eleven, I’ve been amused by over-meticulous social norms, specifically body hair and the stigmas behind this natural state of one’s body. When I hear the words, the image of a shirtless, deeply tanned bear pops into my head almost immediately. But that’s okay, right? It’s only when people discuss body hair on women that they begin to cringe and grimace and shake with fear. Oh no! God forbid women have hair!

God forbid women care. Anyway, people only ever talk about body hair on women with people who aren’t women with grown out body hair. All I ever hear or read are disgusted comments from hyper-masculine men who swear that women smell worse when they don’t shave, or “pick me” cries from women who scold those of us who choose to intricately tend to our gardens. But what about the actually hairy ladies? Or the men who don’t mind, or even prefer a bit of fuzz? Doesn’t anyone want to know how they feel about all the fuss?

The idea came to me simply; I glanced at a razor. I thought about the sharpness of the blades and then, boom, another way to talk about someone’s personal life. A few days after my brainchild, I posted on Instagram and Twitter that I was looking for women who either grew out their body hair or men who preferred it on women, just to see what it means to them and if it affects their lives at all. In two or three days, I collected some opinions from a couple rad and cool people. Some answers may include slang words originated from the DMV (DC, Maryland, sometimes Virginia) area. Some names are changed for privacy.

Elise, 20

Why did you shave in the first place?

The first time I ever shaved my armpits, my mom told me I needed to start. I was probably 10-12 years old. When I first shaved my legs, I did because I was at a friend’s house and she did and I was embarrassed that I didn’t yet. The first time I shaved my pubic hair, I did so before I was going to hook up with a guy for the first time (ew). Each time felt like a sort of rite of passage, like I was entering some new plane of womanhood by shaving. I felt like I was obligated to, anyway, it seemed to be as much of a normal female grooming practice as brushing your teeth or trimming your nails.

What made you stop? Was there a moment? Did you stop gradually?

I shaved my pubic hair once and only once and never went back because it was so uncomfortable! I never would again either because I absolutely love my bush. For my pubes, there was a “moment” but for my underarms and legs it happened very gradually. I got lazy and stopped shaving, and eventually committed to it after realizing that breaking the mold isn’t scary and that physical beauty isn’t the most important thing.

How did your friends and family react to your body hair?

My high school friends reacted with disbelief, but then again that sort of thing wasn’t out of the norm for me so they didn’t judge too harshly. Same goes for my mom. My sister thought it was gross for a while (she’s 15 and shaves everything.) My longtime boyfriend in high school didn’t care about my hairy legs, preferred my bush, and mentioned once that he was glad that I didn’t shave my armpits. My two partners since my ex, including my current one (both female) didn’t and do not shave anything either. My friends in college have varying shaving habits but I am the only one out of my close friends who does not shave anything at all. They think it’s cool and that it makes me who I am! They compliment my bush, and when I shaved my underarms once after growing the hair out, they told me they liked it better before.

If you had a sexual partner who preferred bald and asked you to shave, would you?

Hell no!

Why do you think people associate feminism with women who choose to grow out their body hair?

Typically, they do correlate from what I’ve seen. I think it has a lot to do with feminists often being more willing to break gender-norms on a more “positive” end. On a “negative” end, there’s a persisting stereotype about what feminists look and act like. People tend to expect us to be “angry, hairy, and man-hating.”

What do you think is the key to fighting off such judgmental social norms, especially as a woman? Do you have any advice for someone who may feel uncomfortable in their skin because they feel torn between ideas that have been ingrained in them since childhood and ideas that they’ve formulated about beauty and their bodies on their own?

I think normalization is the biggest thing! It took me a long time to stop shaving and I didn’t really appreciate the beauty of my body hair until it felt normal to me. Seeing models with body hair on Tumblr and other social networks really helped, too. I’ve always been the hairiest one out of my friends and my normalization of that has led to a lot of my friends to stop shaving as well. My advice would be to stick it out. It takes time to be comfortable after you’ve made a choice that goes against the grain, but once you get used to it, it feels so much less scary! It definitely helps to surround yourself with positivity regarding body hair, body types, etc., because it naturally lifts you up! Friends, social media, and selfies are a great outlet for this. I used to think that I didn’t care if my body hair was beautiful or not, but now my thinking has shifted. I believe that I am beautiful because of, now in spite of, my hair. I really think it makes me who I am and looks so much better!

Meera, 20

Why did you shave in the first place?

I had a lot of white friends who had very light body hair and I felt gross for my dark hair. My mum was the one who told me I needed to shave my armpits.

What made you stop?

It was an act of resistance. When I was younger, I hated my body so much because of my body hair and so I stopped to reclaim that part of me.

Would you say that the act of resistance was somewhat of an epiphany? Or did it happen gradually?

It was like a gradual lead up to an epiphany.

How did your friends and family react?

Most didn’t say anything, but I did get strange looks. Body hair removal is sort of a bonding experience for Indian girls so I felt very othered. My mother was not pleased at all.

Alex, 18

Why did you shave in the first place?

I remember being like 7 and watching the E! Entertainment Show about Hugh Hefner’s girlfriends, and the one joint got her vagina waxed so I thought that if women went to the extremes to hurt themselves then being smooth must be really important.

Legit. What made you stop?

It seemed like a better idea to wax because of smoother results but waxing made my skin OC* sore so once I went a few months between waxes, I realized I liked it better hairy.

Did you ever consider the social stigmas behind keeping yourself hairy? Did it make you self-conscious?

Yes, until I was with one dude and I said “sorry for not being waxed” and shawty whispered “nah keep it” in my hear. Girl when I told you my p---- real live** shed a tear, like I was with it. Then I was like kill***, this bald s--- is a weak h—mentality. I’m still bad whether hairy or not. No one that isn’t 15 cares that much. Boys that truly want your ass aren’t about to change their mind if you have hair – torch**** is torch.

The passion. So do you let your hair grow out everywhere?

No, my leg hair gets itchy and makes me look ashy, but I’m not pressed***** about having them shaved. I definitely have had them long when I was out. I’m not allowed to ice-skate without shaved armpits because my coaches own me.

What are your thoughts on social constructs such as this one?

I personally don’t care. I feel sorry for the girls that aren’t as self-aware and confident as I am. Like the fact that 14-year-olds think that in order for boys to like them, they’ve got to deal with all of the pain that comes along with shaving, sucks.

*literally meaning “out of control.” However, the term “OC” can generally be described as meaning half “very” but half out of control. It’s complex.

**a kind of emphasis, closely relating to “really.” An exclamation point. To be serious about something.

***damn; “I’m surprised” could be use when mildly surprised or extremely surprised, depending on how much you emphasize it; expression of realization? These definitions suck.

****a term used to describe a woman’s excellent vagina? I’m sorry, this is as close as I could get it.

*****particularly interested with something/someone or a situation; obsessed with something/someone or a situation

Fred, 21

Do you prefer body hair or do you just not mind it?

I prefer it.

Have you always? If yes, why? If not, what changed?

Honestly, it’s probably because when I first started watching porn, it was all really vintage so all of the women had pubic hair.

Ooh, versatility. You don’t think you’ve ever felt weird about women having body hair to begin with?

I definitely felt weird about it but that was when I was way younger.

So you’re okay with all of it now.

I f------ love it. I think it’s so sexy when a woman grows out her body hair.

What do you think about the stigma behind the norm that women shouldn’t have body hair?

I don’t like it. I’m still kind of secretive about my love for all body hair mainly because of it not being the norm, but I’m very vocal about it on the vag. It is weird to me even when women don’t like it. I’ve been with a woman that literally would not have sex with me until she shaved because she didn’t believe me.

Do you correlate girls who don’t shave with feminism?

That honestly depends on the girl, but in some cases I have connected it to feminism. Pretty much if shorty was going to do that s--- with or without approval, like f--- it, which is another thing I find sexy about it.

What do your friends think about your body hair preference?

Some of my friends think I’m dirty for it and the other half may not understand it but respect it.

I was surprised at the versatility of the responses that I collected from these young people. From pornography to sports to cultural backgrounds, body hair tells its own story in all of us. What's important though, is that people are happy and confident in their own skin. Kids so young shouldn't have to worry about looking a certain way or doing things to their bodies that make them uncomfortable. If you want to shave, shave! But do it because when you run your fingers over your smooth, baby-like skin, you giggle with joy, not because you think that's what you are supposed to do by any means. Always ask questions about the things you were taught growing up, the things you've seen. And if some jackass makes you think that you need to be nine-year-old smooth every time he sees you naked, and cringes at the slightest sight of your humanity, you may want to ask him a couple of questions too. Maybe one day, you'll try out the hairier side of life and discover some things about yourself. Keep exploring.

Photos in courtesy of Google and Spongebob Squarepants. I just love Spongebob Squarepants.