I stood at the fork..on the corner of Hold On Ave. and Move On Blvd., and there I waited for you. I waited for you to meet me half way on the Ave so that I could run to you and embrace you. Then we could turn on to Better Days Drive and live those together. Through the fog of my emotions and love for you, I couldn’t see that you would not be coming for me. Yet still, I waited. Even as your “I don’t love you's” and “Please go away's” pierced my soul, I let the wounds bleed to show you how red I’d get for you. However, that didn’t matter. Although I waited on the corner, and drained every vein, you offered me nothing but your best wishes-- not even a stitch to contribute to my healing.
That’s when it happened.
The fog cleared, and all I saw was an empty road that showed to be nothing but a dead end. Dead… like my will to fight for you. Dead like my desire to love and be loved because I was convinced that to be loved only meant I’d return to the corner— bleeding out and wanting to be met halfway. Dead like my dreams to spend the next 99 years with you. Dead like my belief in every "I love you" that you allowed to drip from your lips. Dead like the spark and butterflies that once bubbled inside me from hearing that phrase.
So I moved on. I shared a familiar smile or two to anyone who wanted to see one, but I knew that nothing would be the same after you. My heart beat at a different cadence because the innocence of love was stripped from me. That child-like belief in happily ever afters and hope in finding young love like in the movies faded away. Everyone spoke of love, but no one ever warned me of the depth of the cuts from pseudo love and bad intentions.
Although I’d like to believe you didn’t mean to hurt me, that doesn’t change the fact that you did. It doesn’t change the fact that you realized that for what you felt for me, “love” was too strong of a word. It doesn’t change the fact that my tears have stained my pillows, and God has a broken record of me asking why it has to hurt so much.
Strangely enough, even after it all, you should know me. You should know that I’ve forgiven you and that I love you with all the Godly love I can possess. I hope you've forgiven me for any time I've ever hurt you. Society says I should despise you, and you should despise me, but I could never. I wouldn’t wish you any heartbreak. I hope you find love in the most unexpected of places, and I hope you find riches and wealth. I hope you pursue and achieve your dreams and that you sleep well at night. I pray that your smile is brighter and your heart beats strong even without me. I pray that you find solace in Christ and that your prayers are answered in good timing.
As for me, Move on Blvd was a great choice, because there I found the promises of God— the trust to keep me strong and the faith to carry me on the journey. I found happiness and love and comfort in knowing that what’s meant to be will be. For my own sake, I found forgiveness of you and the heart to pray for your future relationships. As for me, if you ever need me, I’ll always be here with arms wide open. But as long as you close me out, I have nothing else to offer you but my best wishes.
