Let me start by saying that I am sorry for being broken. I am sorry for all of the future conversations we will have about why you like me or why you want to be with me because I just needed that reassurance. I am sorry for wanting to push you away whenever things are good between us. I am sorry that whenever I am upset I may shut down and not talk or act like when I am okay when it is clear as day that I have been crying. When you say "I am different" or "I am not like the other guys" I've heard it before so even though I am giving you a chance; I also have my walls up to protect my heart. I have been hurt so many times and as much as I do not want to compare you to the guys that have hurt me I simply cannot help it. I know that this first part has been pretty harsh and gloomy but, I can promise you a few things.
I promise that I will try my best to not push you away just because I am scared.
I know that I tend to push people away because I don't want them to see me scared or I am waiting for that ball to drop so instead of waiting I just want to avoid the bad things; so when I am scared or whenever things get bad I will not push you away. I will try my best to work through whatever is going on and stick by your side.
I promise to have heart checks with you not just to see how our relationship is doing, but to also see how you are doing.
I know that I am complicated and have a tendency to want to know how you feel about our relationship, but I also want to know how you personally are doing and how you are feeling about life and have the heart to heart moments with you.
I promise to give you a chance at sweeping me off of my feet.
I may be broken and I may have my walls up but I will give you a chance at melting my cold heart. I will try my best to remember that you are different and that you could be worth the risk. You could be the person that makes all of the past heartache worth it but if I do not give you the chance to sweep me off of my feet I will never know.
More importantly; I promise to be your partner in our faith and not only lead myself closer to God but, lead you closer as well.
I promise to help lead you to the cross and be there for you whenever you need me. I know that times will be tempting but I will be by your side to hold you accountable. I promise to help you hold the weight of your cross because I know that you would do the same thing for me.
I know I haven't said this yet and I will probably feel like I have not said this enough but thank you.
Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for giving me time to open up to you but most of all; thank you for making me want to not only be a better person but for wanting to be a better Christian.