Beloved "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" host and Food Network superstar, Guy Fieri, is not who we think he is.

You see, Guy portrays himself as this bombastic, flamed shirt-wearing rock star...

...but it turns out he's been faking this image all along.

You think you know Guy?

Think again, buster!

Guy Fieri was born in Columbus Ohio one fateful day in 1068, to loving parents Penelope and Lewis... Ferry. Yep, that's right. His real name is Guy Ferry. He uses a FAKE NAME; this is the first piece of incriminating evidence supporting that Guy Fieri is a dangerous phony.

The second piece of evidence has no actual proof to support it, but I just have a hunch that he's killed someone. I can't explain it, but somewhere in my heart of hearts, I know that one day he got so hungry, he cooked up a friend and ate him.

Third piece of evidence is that Guy leads us to believe he's this awesome chef who really knows what he's talking about and can be trusted, but it turns out that he's a FAKE. His first New York City restaurant, "Guy's American Kitchen and Bar," was torn apart by food critics for sucking really badly, and essentially tasting like crap. We cannot trust this man.

Fourth piece: He collects cars and owns at least five. WHO NEEDS THAT MANY CARS?! One is from fricking 1967, there's no way that's gonna get you good mileage on your supposed hit traveling food shows, sir. Unbelievable.

Fifth and final piece of evidence is this S-H-O-C-K-I-N-G image, which needn't be explained:

Pick your jaw up off the ground. Yep, this is indeed a normal-looking Guy Fieri/Ferry. I am still baffled by this picture and it really makes me question the validity of everything in my life.

Guy Fieri, you are a disgrace! You have lied to your many adoring fans, portraying yourself as this rad, loud, fun-lovin' dude, when really, none of us know who you are or what your real name is.

So, people, the verdict is in. Guy Fieri is officially REVEALED to be hiding one big thing from us all: his true self.

I rest my case.